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Aug. 23, 2024
Why you should stop all self-criticism
Self-criticism can be damaging and counterproductive. In this episode, Dr. Onwuemene discusses seven reasons to stop criticizing yourself, along with alternative actions to take:
Key points discussed:
1. Erodes Self-Esteem: Constant self-criticism chips away at your self-esteem, making you feel unworthy or inadequate. Instead: Practice self-compassion. Acknowledge your efforts and achievements, no matter how small.
2. Hinders Personal Growth: Excessive self-criticism focuses on flaws rather than opportunities for improvement. It stalls your growth. Instead: Shift your mindset to self-reflection. Identify areas for improvement with a focus on learning and growth.
3. Increases Stress and Anxiety: Self-judgment can lead to heightened stress and anxiety, affecting your mental and physical health. Instead: Cultivate mindfulness. Engage in activities that reduce stress..
4. Creates a Negative Cycle: Self-criticism often leads to a cycle of negativity. You may doubt yourself and your abilities. Instead: Develop a positive self-talk routine.
5. Prevents Taking Risks: Self-criticism can keep you from taking risks and pursuing new opportunities. Instead: Embrace a growth mindset. See challenges as a chance to learn.
6. Harms Relationships: Self-criticism can spill over into your relationships. It can lead you to feel insecure in your interactions. Instead: Foster healthy communication. Share your feelings with a trusted community..
7. Reduces Overall Happiness: Constantly criticizing yourself can diminish your overall sense of happiness and well-being. Instead: Focus on gratitude. Regularly acknowledge and appreciate your accomplishments.
Sponsor/Advertising/Monetization Information:
This episode is sponsored by Coag Coach LLC, a leading provider of coaching resources for clinicians transitioning to become research leaders. Coag Coach LLC is committed to supporting clinicians in their scholarship.
Looking for a coach?
Sign up for a coaching discovery call today: https://www.coagcoach.com/service-page/consultation-call-1
Transcript
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Welcome to the Clinician Researcher podcast, where academic clinicians learn the skills
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to build their own research program, whether or not they have a mentor.
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As clinicians, we spend a decade or more as trainees learning to take care of patients.
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When we finally start our careers, we want to build research programs, but then we find
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that our years of clinical training did not adequately prepare us to lead our research
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program.
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Through no fault of our own, we struggle to find mentors, and when we can't, we quit.
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However, clinicians hold the keys to the greatest research breakthroughs.
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For this reason, the Clinician Researcher podcast exists to give academic clinicians
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the tools to build their own research program, whether or not they have a mentor.
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Now introducing your host, Toyosi Onwuemene.
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Welcome to the Clinician Researcher podcast.
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I'm your host, Toyosi Onwuemene, and it is an absolute pleasure to be talking with you
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today.
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Thank you so much for tuning in.
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I'm excited to bring you today's episode about the need to stop self-criticism.
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Yes, I'm talking to clinician researchers, clinicians who are trying to succeed as academics,
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succeed in their research program forward, in moving a program of scholarship forward,
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and it is so important that you do not allow self-criticism to be part of your strategy
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for moving yourself forward.
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I will say that I know that self-criticism has been an important, and I will say important,
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strategy in terms of succeeding because we're critical before others are critical so that
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we figure out where we need to improve.
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As part of our training, where we're always managing the subjective evaluations of others,
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we come to be able to do that before others judge us.
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We judge ourselves first before others judge us so that we know exactly what to say when
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it comes to the time for evaluation.
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You may remember or may still be having those conversations where you start by saying, well,
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the procedure went well, but I could have X, Y, Z, right?
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Insert whatever challenge you had in there.
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We're so used to doing that that we bring it to our faculty positions, this whole idea
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that, okay, I've got to criticize myself.
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What that means is that we're so hyper-focused on what we're not doing well, and instead
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we're missing the things that we're doing well, and we're also creating an environment
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that does not necessarily allow us to thrive.
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I'm going to talk today about seven reasons why you should stop criticizing yourself and
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other things that you can do instead.
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I will tell you that this episode was really generated for me through a conversation that
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I had earlier in a community of physicians to which I belong.
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This is a community of physicians who are part of a research network, and there was
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just a lot of talk about, well, you've got to sit down and look at your gaps and figure
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out what your deficits are.
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There was this whole focus in that specific conversation just around how much we don't
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have.
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I remember wanting to just stop the conversation and say, wait, wait, wait.
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I don't want us to focus on what we don't have as a way of, well, this is how I have
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to shape up, but we focus on what we don't have as a way of thinking, okay, well, this
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is an opportunity.
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At the end of the day, we may be looking at the same thing, but we're interpreting it
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differently.
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All right, so I'm going to talk about seven ways that criticism can hurt you and what
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you should do instead.
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One of the most important things, and you probably know this already, I am preaching
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to the choir, is that criticism erodes your self-esteem.
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Criticism erodes your self-esteem.
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If you are trying to succeed in an area in which you haven't had much training, you don't
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have much skill, every time you look at yourself and criticize yourself harshly, you minimize
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your capacity to feel confident and go forward in building the skills that you need to build.
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So recall that as clinicians who have been through medical school, been through residency,
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gone through fellowship maybe, now are early career faculty, and even beyond, there are
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some skills that just weren't built into your clinical training program.
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So research is one of those skills that's not built into your clinical training program.
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And so when you're surrounded by PhD scientists who've done research for pretty much all of
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their training and their faculty career, you may feel like, oh, well, I need to shape up.
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Look at what I'm missing.
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I just want to say it's so important to give ourselves grace to recognize that, hey, you
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weren't training this.
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You're now starting to do the training that other people have been doing for a long time,
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and you're doing it as a mature adult, really.
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People are looking at you saying, how come you don't know how to walk?
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What do you mean you don't know how to walk?
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You're 30 years old.
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And in reality, we're just learning to walk, so to speak, when it comes to our research
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and comes to building a research program or leading a research program, leading people.
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And so if we are going to continue to move forward, then we cannot erode our self-esteem
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because when we feel unworthy, when we feel inadequate, we are not able to move forward
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with the kind of strength and confidence that we need.
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And so instead of criticizing ourselves, one thing that we can do is to practice radical
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self-compassion.
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Yes, radical self-compassion.
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Because hey, if you're not going to have compassion on yourself, who is?
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If you're not going to nurse the emotional wounds that you sustain every time you're
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rejected, every time you're criticized by others, who's going to do that for you?
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And so I would say that the term that comes to mind is physician, you got to heal yourself
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first.
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You are a healer.
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This is what you do.
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You heal people.
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But your healing means nothing if you, the healer, is broken.
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And so radical self-compassion allows you to say, how can I nurture myself?
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How can I heal the wounds that I have and not inflict any more on myself?
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So the antidote to self-criticism is radical self-compassion.
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One of the strategies that has helped me and comes to me from Positive Intelligence, a book
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by Shirzad Shamin, is looking at a picture of yourself when you were younger.
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So find a picture of yourself when you may be two years old or even up to six to eight
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years old, where it really shows the essence of who you are as a child, who you were as
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a child.
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You still are that person.
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But you know, it's probably a picture in which you're smiling, laughing, carefree.
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I don't know.
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But there's a picture that exists of you as the quintessential child that you are, where
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your inner you radiates from that picture.
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Find it.
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And maybe you're like, well, I didn't have a happy childhood.
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And most of my pictures from childhood, you know, I just look sad in them and it's okay.
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That's the picture that you need.
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So every time you look at that child, you remember that that child is you.
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And that child deserves compassion.
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And if you tell me, you're like, well, my mother didn't take pictures of me when I was
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young because I was kid number six.
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I would say, come on, you can be creative.
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Find a picture of you in the earliest, the earliest picture you can find, whether that
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is you at 15, whether that is you at 12, just find the earliest picture.
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Find a picture that shows your essence, where your essence shines through.
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It's got to be a picture that's younger than who you are right now and practice radical
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self-compassion by showing compassion to that person who is you.
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Okay.
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The second thing self-criticism does is it hinders your personal growth.
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Self-criticism hinders your personal growth.
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So I want to take a step back again and remind you that clinical training is not research
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training.
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I just want to take a step back again.
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I know I'm stepping back a lot, right?
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And I want to remind you that clinical training is not research training.
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If you're going to grow in your research capacity, if you're going to grow in your capacity to
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write grants, you're going to grow in your capacity to lead a research program, if you're
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going to grow in your capacity to mentor others, if you're going to grow in your capacity to
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be fiscally responsible as part of your research program, you've got to grow.
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And it's okay because you are used to growing.
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You're used to expanding, you're used to being challenged and it's okay.
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But if you insert criticism, then you hinder that growth.
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You stop yourself from advancing.
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Now this is one of the things I hear from people where they're like, oh no, every time
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I criticize myself, then I just, you know, I put my nose to the grindstone and I go,
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go, go.
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And the self-criticism is a thing that helps me really do well.
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If I stop criticizing myself, I'm not going to succeed like I was.
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And I would just say, let's challenge that assumption.
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Let's challenge the assumption that criticizing yourself, which amounts sometimes to yelling
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at yourself or noticing everything that's wrong, let's challenge that notion that that's
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the best strategy under which you can thrive.
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It's like saying by withholding what's needed, then yeah, I'm motivated to go forward.
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And I'm not discounting the motivation that can be caused by anxiety and the motivation
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that can be caused by fear.
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But I need you to understand that motivation driven by fear and anxiety cannot, cannot
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accomplish to any great extent what motivation born out of love can accomplish.
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Again, fear and anxiety are a way of motivation and sometimes self-criticism makes people
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feel like, okay, well, I'm motivating myself through the self-criticism.
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And it's working for me.
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I'm just letting you know that it works to a certain extent, but it doesn't bring out
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the best in you.
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And if you think about, if you turn around, if for whatever reason you have a child in
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your life and you have the opportunity to observe that child after they've been criticized,
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you realize that what you get, even when you get more work, is work that's happening under
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a cloud of shame, under a cloud of constriction.
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Not much creativity can happen there.
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And so even if you've been operating under a strategy of self-criticism and you feel
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like you've accomplished so much because you've been so self-critical, I want you to consider
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a different strategy and do the experiment.
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How does my productivity change when I stop self-criticism?
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Then you're like, well, okay, so if it hinders my personal growth, then what do I do instead?
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Well, what you should do instead is self-reflection.
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Why is that important?
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Sometimes self-criticism is a way that we're trying to say, you're bad, therefore you should
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improve.
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And instead what we need to do is just reflect without judgment.
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Okay, well, I submitted that manuscript.
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I was so sure it would be an instant acceptance.
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And instead I got a radical reject.
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Like, totally this is the worst paper that's ever been written.
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And instead of saying, well, if you only were a better writer, just pause and say, okay,
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well, what did the reviewers say?
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What specific comments did they give?
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Okay, reviewer number one said, I absolutely have no desire to comment on this nasty paper.
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And they said nothing else.
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It's okay.
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Reviewer number one didn't give you much.
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But reviewer number two did.
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Reviewer number two said, okay, this is how you might be able to improve the paper, even
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if it's not suitable for this journal.
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And so reflect, reflect on their comments and say, well, okay, how can I grow?
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How can I grow?
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And do you see, can you feel that different energy of instead of just look at what you
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did?
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It's like, okay, this is what they said.
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How can I grow from this?
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How can I grow?
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And so instead of self-criticism, instead reflect and observe without judgment.
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Okay.
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Another thing that self-criticism does, it increases your stress and anxiety.
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We touched a little bit on this in the last point, but I think it deserves its own platform.
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And so in medicine, oh my goodness, so much stress and anxiety.
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And even as someone who consults and supports other physicians and their care of people
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with hematologic disorders, I realized that a lot of the support I'm doing is managing
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their anxiety and stress.
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There was a lot of stress and anxiety in the clinical space so much, and it doesn't have
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to be yours.
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Now I'm not here to diagnose your stress or anxiety or even tell you how to manage it.
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I'm not your psychiatrist.
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I'm not here to give you medical advice.
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But I do want you to know that when you add to your stress and anxiety by criticizing
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yourself, it does not do you much good.
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Now you may or may not have crippling anxiety.
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You may or may not have crippling stress, but I am pointing out the word crippling for
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a reason.
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I'm saying that anxiety and stress can cripple you.
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If you are doing something that's hard, such as building a research program or building
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a program of scholarship, it's something you've not done before.
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You don't want to be crippled.
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You want to be fully able-bodied.
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You want to be able to be fully functional.
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And so anything that adds to stress and anxiety, such as being critical of yourself, it will
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not help you move forward.
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It will cripple you, and that doesn't help you to build the research program that you're
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building.
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And so instead of criticizing yourself to a point of crippling stress and anxiety, instead
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practice being present.
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Practice mindfulness.
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Yes, pause and think about what's happening inside you.
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Think about that tightness in your chest and think about, okay, why is that there?
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Take deep breaths.
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Relieve the tension that you feel.
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Think about the tightness around your forehead and the headache that it's creating.
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How do you release that tension?
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Pay attention to your body signals.
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Reflect on how you're responding to the situation and let the self-criticism go and release
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the tension in your body as well.
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It is so important that you are fully able emotionally to invest in this space.
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There's so much rejection here.
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There's so much criticism from others.
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There's so much judgment.
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Do not add to it yourself.
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Again, you're the physician.
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You're the healer.
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Others might try to hurt you, but don't.
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Don't be one of those that's hurting you.
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All right, number four is that it creates a negative cycle.
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Criticism begets criticism begets criticism.
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Have you ever been in a room, maybe you're reviewing a grant, and one person stands up
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and says, this is the worst grant I ever read.
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And you, as reviewer number three, you're like, actually, I thought it was pretty good.
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And by the time reviewer number one finishes dismantling the grant and telling you how
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terrible the grant was and how much it sucked, then you're like, oh, yeah, yeah, I guess
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it was.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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I thought there were positive things, but now I don't have anything positive to say.
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And all of a sudden, that person's negative review has totally canceled your positive
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review.
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Well, that's what self-criticism can do, too.
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What it can do is actually just take everything down a notch.
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What it does, it overshadows the things that you actually have succeeded in.
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Okay, so the manuscript was rejected outright, and the reviewers didn't like it.
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But if you go to reviewer number three, reviewer number three said, this is really well-written.
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That is important for you to pay attention to.
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They like your writing, even if they don't necessarily care for the content of your work.
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And so when you are focused on criticizing yourself, or like, I told you that was a bad
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idea.
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You should never have submitted this.
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Why are you even doing any research?
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How dare you think you can submit publications?
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Instead of going down that spiral, pause and take stock of the things that are working.
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Stop and encourage yourself.
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Because hey, if you don't encourage yourself, your mentor might not.
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And it can't depend on your mentor because you probably meet that person just once a
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week, hopefully not more than once a week, maybe more often, I don't know.
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But you meet yourself every day.
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You're literally constantly with yourself all the time.
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And so if there's any positive self-talk, if there's any elevating of the things that
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you have done well, it's going to be up to you.
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And that's something that you should do so that you don't create a negative cycle that
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comes from self-criticism.
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The fifth thing about self-criticism is that it keeps you from taking risks.
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Book science and the pursuit of creating knowledge is about taking risks.
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I don't know if this hypothesis is going to be proven to be true or not.
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If I knew, it wouldn't be science.
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I am taking a step of faith.
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I don't know.
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I think that all the evidence points to this answer, but I could be wrong.
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But if I criticize myself, if you practice self-criticism, then potentially you're not
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going to take the risk to test the hypothesis fully because maybe you're afraid that you're
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going to disprove your hypothesis.
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And then where do you go?
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And you know what?
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Sometimes you are going to disprove the hypothesis, and that's OK because you're after, you're
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pursuing truth to the best of your ability.
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And sometimes what we thought was true turns out to be true in a different way.
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But if you are not confident enough to take risks because now you're afraid to fall because
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you're so critical of yourself, like your body is literally in fight or flight mode
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and already getting ready to protect itself from the onslaught of criticism that you may
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be bringing, then you're not taking risks.
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You're not being creative, and that limits your ability to produce high-quality work.
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And your work is all about the quality that you produce, and it's so important that you
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are able to produce that work.
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And so instead of criticizing yourself, embrace a growth mindset.
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You can grow, you can learn, and whatever it is that you're not doing well right now,
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you can do it well tomorrow because you're going to put in the effort and the energy
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that it takes to grow to the space that you need to.
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You've done it before, you're a person who can grow, you're a person who demonstrates
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continuous growth, you can do this.
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Have a growth mindset.
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The sixth thing I want to talk about is that it harms your relationships.
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Gosh, your self-critical talk may seem to you like you're just making small talk and
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trying to make people laugh, but you know what?
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It actually is a downer.
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People don't really enjoy being around people who are down on themselves all the time.
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And so you may be thinking you're just being funny.
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The other people are not really, it just doesn't feel good.
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It doesn't feel good to be around the person who's down on themselves all the time, the
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person who cannot see the good side of themselves.
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You're always trying to lift them up and they're like, no, no, I suck.
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And you're like, no, you don't suck.
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You're like, oh, no, no.
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And it's just, wow, what a lot of energy going into convince somebody that they have positive
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qualities who wants to only focus on what's negative.
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It's draining.
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It's draining to be around someone who's so self-critical.
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They cannot see how well they do in different spheres.
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And they cannot even see that this thing that they're criticizing themselves about is actually
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an opportunity for growth.
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And so every time that you criticize yourself and you look down on yourself, it harms the
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way you show up.
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It harms your relationships because people tend to not want to be around someone who
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is down on themselves all the time.
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The way you treat yourself poorly in criticizing yourself and the resulting kind of energy
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that comes from that, the, you know, oh, I'm not so great.
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It comes across to other people.
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And so they know you're great.
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But now what they're getting from you is that you're not so great.
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And the more you give them that feedback, the more they're like, well, maybe you're
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not so great.
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And so I would say that self-criticism is not your friend.
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And if you think it's only harming you, I would say, think again, it harms your relationships.
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Because as you withdraw, as you're angry at yourself, it affects your ability to interact
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with others as well.
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So instead, foster healthy communication.
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Find a friend that you can trust and say, this is how I'm feeling about myself.
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Remind me of the ways in which I am, I am, I have, I'm skilled.
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Remind me of how this is helping me grow.
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Like go to ask people to reflect back to you who you are.
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Now you got to find people that you trust, people who actually care about you.
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I hope it's your mentor or your cadre of mentors.
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Maybe it's not.
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Maybe it's your community outside of work.
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Maybe it's your church family.
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Maybe it's your community of friends from med school.
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Find a place where people appreciate value and celebrate you and tell them, hey, this
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is how I'm feeling and have them reflect back to you who you are, the greatness of you and
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where you're going.
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And you know what?
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You can't get enough of that.
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And so every week you should just lean into that.
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And if you have the opportunity to be in a community that meets every week, and this is
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where I say, hey, we're meeting every week, Mondays at 6 PM, you should join our community.
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If you have that opportunity to be in a community of people who reflect back to you the strengths
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that they see, that will be so helpful to you.
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Finally, if you are full of self-criticism, you reduce your overall happiness.
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And I want to say that in this space, there is no room for reduced happiness.
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Again, there's a lot of challenge.
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There's a lot of rejection.
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There's a lot of judgment.
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And there are a lot of things that want to pull on your joy and your happiness.
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And don't add to it, because if every time you're with yourself, you're criticizing
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yourself, you're bringing down your joy quotient, where are you going to get the joy?
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Where are you going to get it?
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And the reason we do this work is because we love the work we do.
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And so we want to create an atmosphere where love grows, the love of the work, the love
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of what we produce, the love of the product that we end up with.
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It's like, oh, I wrote this manuscript.
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It is beautiful.
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And so you want to not bring in poison to that atmosphere by criticizing yourself, which
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diminishes your overall sense of well-being.
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So instead of self-criticism, what do you do?
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Focus on gratitude.
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What are you thankful for?
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What are the things you've done that you're grateful for?
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I was courageous.
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I submitted the manuscript.
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I wasn't even sure that I should put this out there in the world, but I took a step
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of faith and I did it.
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And yes, it came back rejected and reviewer number one totally hated it, but look at what
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I did.
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And I'm not afraid.
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I'm going to put, I'm going to revise it.
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I'm going to put it out there again.
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Practice gratitude for the things you have done, for the courage you have shown, for
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the fact that you keep showing up even when it's hard.
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Practice gratitude for the fact that you get to do what you want to do.
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Practice gratitude.
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All right, so I said seven reasons why you should not criticize yourself.
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Number one, it erodes your self-esteem.
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And instead of criticizing yourself, instead practice radical self-compassion.
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Number two, it hinders your personal growth.
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And so instead of self-criticism, shift your mindset to self-reflection.
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Number three, it increases stress and anxiety.
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And so instead of criticizing yourself, cultivate mindfulness.
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Number four, it creates a negative cycle.
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And so instead of criticizing yourself, develop positive self-talk.
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Number five, it prevents you from taking risks.
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And so instead of criticizing yourself, embrace a growth mindset.
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Number six, it harms relationships.
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So instead of criticizing yourself, foster healthy communication, getting communities
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that support you.
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Number seven, it reduces your overall happiness.
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So instead of criticizing yourself, instead practice gratitude.
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It has been such a pleasure talking with you today.
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I want to thank you so much for listening all the way to the end.
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And this is an episode you need to share with someone who is critical of themselves.
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You got to share this because it's going to help somebody.
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So I invite you to share with just one person today, one person changed somebody's life
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with this podcast episode.
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And I will celebrate the fact that you did.
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Thank you so much for tuning in.
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I look forward to talking with you again the next time on the Clinician Researcher podcast.
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Have a great day.
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Thanks for listening to this episode of the Clinician Researcher podcast, where academic
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clinicians learn the skills to build their own research program, whether or not they
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have a mentor.
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If you found the information in this episode to be helpful, don't keep it all to yourself.
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Someone else needs to hear it.
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So take a minute right now and share it.
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As you share this episode, you become part of our mission to help launch a new generation
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of clinician researchers who make transformative discoveries that change the way we do healthcare.
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:05,860
Welcome to the Clinician Researcher podcast, where academic clinicians learn the skills
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00:00:05,860 --> 00:00:11,260
to build their own research program, whether or not they have a mentor.
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As clinicians, we spend a decade or more as trainees learning to take care of patients.
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When we finally start our careers, we want to build research programs, but then we find
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that our years of clinical training did not adequately prepare us to lead our research
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program.
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Through no fault of our own, we struggle to find mentors, and when we can't, we quit.
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However, clinicians hold the keys to the greatest research breakthroughs.
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For this reason, the Clinician Researcher podcast exists to give academic clinicians
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the tools to build their own research program, whether or not they have a mentor.
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Now introducing your host, Toyosi Onwuemene.
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Welcome to the Clinician Researcher podcast.
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I'm your host, Toyosi Onwuemene, and it is an absolute pleasure to be talking with you
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today.
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Thank you so much for tuning in.
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I'm excited to bring you today's episode about the need to stop self-criticism.
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Yes, I'm talking to clinician researchers, clinicians who are trying to succeed as academics,
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succeed in their research program forward, in moving a program of scholarship forward,
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and it is so important that you do not allow self-criticism to be part of your strategy
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for moving yourself forward.
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I will say that I know that self-criticism has been an important, and I will say important,
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strategy in terms of succeeding because we're critical before others are critical so that
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we figure out where we need to improve.
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As part of our training, where we're always managing the subjective evaluations of others,
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we come to be able to do that before others judge us.
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We judge ourselves first before others judge us so that we know exactly what to say when
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it comes to the time for evaluation.
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You may remember or may still be having those conversations where you start by saying, well,
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the procedure went well, but I could have X, Y, Z, right?
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Insert whatever challenge you had in there.
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We're so used to doing that that we bring it to our faculty positions, this whole idea
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that, okay, I've got to criticize myself.
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What that means is that we're so hyper-focused on what we're not doing well, and instead
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we're missing the things that we're doing well, and we're also creating an environment
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that does not necessarily allow us to thrive.
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I'm going to talk today about seven reasons why you should stop criticizing yourself and
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other things that you can do instead.
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I will tell you that this episode was really generated for me through a conversation that
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I had earlier in a community of physicians to which I belong.
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This is a community of physicians who are part of a research network, and there was
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just a lot of talk about, well, you've got to sit down and look at your gaps and figure
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out what your deficits are.
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There was this whole focus in that specific conversation just around how much we don't
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have.
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I remember wanting to just stop the conversation and say, wait, wait, wait.
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I don't want us to focus on what we don't have as a way of, well, this is how I have
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to shape up, but we focus on what we don't have as a way of thinking, okay, well, this
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is an opportunity.
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At the end of the day, we may be looking at the same thing, but we're interpreting it
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differently.
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All right, so I'm going to talk about seven ways that criticism can hurt you and what
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you should do instead.
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One of the most important things, and you probably know this already, I am preaching
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to the choir, is that criticism erodes your self-esteem.
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Criticism erodes your self-esteem.
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If you are trying to succeed in an area in which you haven't had much training, you don't
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have much skill, every time you look at yourself and criticize yourself harshly, you minimize
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your capacity to feel confident and go forward in building the skills that you need to build.
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So recall that as clinicians who have been through medical school, been through residency,
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gone through fellowship maybe, now are early career faculty, and even beyond, there are
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some skills that just weren't built into your clinical training program.
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So research is one of those skills that's not built into your clinical training program.
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And so when you're surrounded by PhD scientists who've done research for pretty much all of
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their training and their faculty career, you may feel like, oh, well, I need to shape up.
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Look at what I'm missing.
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I just want to say it's so important to give ourselves grace to recognize that, hey, you
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weren't training this.
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You're now starting to do the training that other people have been doing for a long time,
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and you're doing it as a mature adult, really.
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People are looking at you saying, how come you don't know how to walk?
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What do you mean you don't know how to walk?
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You're 30 years old.
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And in reality, we're just learning to walk, so to speak, when it comes to our research
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and comes to building a research program or leading a research program, leading people.
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And so if we are going to continue to move forward, then we cannot erode our self-esteem
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because when we feel unworthy, when we feel inadequate, we are not able to move forward
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with the kind of strength and confidence that we need.
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And so instead of criticizing ourselves, one thing that we can do is to practice radical
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self-compassion.
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Yes, radical self-compassion.
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Because hey, if you're not going to have compassion on yourself, who is?
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If you're not going to nurse the emotional wounds that you sustain every time you're
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rejected, every time you're criticized by others, who's going to do that for you?
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And so I would say that the term that comes to mind is physician, you got to heal yourself
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first.
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You are a healer.
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This is what you do.
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You heal people.
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But your healing means nothing if you, the healer, is broken.
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And so radical self-compassion allows you to say, how can I nurture myself?
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How can I heal the wounds that I have and not inflict any more on myself?
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So the antidote to self-criticism is radical self-compassion.
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One of the strategies that has helped me and comes to me from Positive Intelligence, a book
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by Shirzad Shamin, is looking at a picture of yourself when you were younger.
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So find a picture of yourself when you may be two years old or even up to six to eight
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years old, where it really shows the essence of who you are as a child, who you were as
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a child.
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You still are that person.
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But you know, it's probably a picture in which you're smiling, laughing, carefree.
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I don't know.
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But there's a picture that exists of you as the quintessential child that you are, where
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your inner you radiates from that picture.
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Find it.
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And maybe you're like, well, I didn't have a happy childhood.
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And most of my pictures from childhood, you know, I just look sad in them and it's okay.
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That's the picture that you need.
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So every time you look at that child, you remember that that child is you.
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And that child deserves compassion.
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And if you tell me, you're like, well, my mother didn't take pictures of me when I was
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young because I was kid number six.
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I would say, come on, you can be creative.
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Find a picture of you in the earliest, the earliest picture you can find, whether that
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is you at 15, whether that is you at 12, just find the earliest picture.
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Find a picture that shows your essence, where your essence shines through.
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It's got to be a picture that's younger than who you are right now and practice radical
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self-compassion by showing compassion to that person who is you.
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Okay.
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The second thing self-criticism does is it hinders your personal growth.
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Self-criticism hinders your personal growth.
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So I want to take a step back again and remind you that clinical training is not research
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training.
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I just want to take a step back again.
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I know I'm stepping back a lot, right?
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And I want to remind you that clinical training is not research training.
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If you're going to grow in your research capacity, if you're going to grow in your capacity to
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write grants, you're going to grow in your capacity to lead a research program, if you're
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going to grow in your capacity to mentor others, if you're going to grow in your capacity to
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be fiscally responsible as part of your research program, you've got to grow.
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And it's okay because you are used to growing.
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You're used to expanding, you're used to being challenged and it's okay.
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But if you insert criticism, then you hinder that growth.
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You stop yourself from advancing.
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Now this is one of the things I hear from people where they're like, oh no, every time
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I criticize myself, then I just, you know, I put my nose to the grindstone and I go,
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go, go.
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And the self-criticism is a thing that helps me really do well.
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If I stop criticizing myself, I'm not going to succeed like I was.
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And I would just say, let's challenge that assumption.
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Let's challenge the assumption that criticizing yourself, which amounts sometimes to yelling
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at yourself or noticing everything that's wrong, let's challenge that notion that that's
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the best strategy under which you can thrive.
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It's like saying by withholding what's needed, then yeah, I'm motivated to go forward.
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And I'm not discounting the motivation that can be caused by anxiety and the motivation
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that can be caused by fear.
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But I need you to understand that motivation driven by fear and anxiety cannot, cannot
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accomplish to any great extent what motivation born out of love can accomplish.
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Again, fear and anxiety are a way of motivation and sometimes self-criticism makes people
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feel like, okay, well, I'm motivating myself through the self-criticism.
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And it's working for me.
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I'm just letting you know that it works to a certain extent, but it doesn't bring out
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the best in you.
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And if you think about, if you turn around, if for whatever reason you have a child in
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your life and you have the opportunity to observe that child after they've been criticized,
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you realize that what you get, even when you get more work, is work that's happening under
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a cloud of shame, under a cloud of constriction.
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Not much creativity can happen there.
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And so even if you've been operating under a strategy of self-criticism and you feel
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like you've accomplished so much because you've been so self-critical, I want you to consider
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a different strategy and do the experiment.
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How does my productivity change when I stop self-criticism?
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Then you're like, well, okay, so if it hinders my personal growth, then what do I do instead?
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Well, what you should do instead is self-reflection.
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Why is that important?
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Sometimes self-criticism is a way that we're trying to say, you're bad, therefore you should
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improve.
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And instead what we need to do is just reflect without judgment.
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Okay, well, I submitted that manuscript.
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I was so sure it would be an instant acceptance.
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And instead I got a radical reject.
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Like, totally this is the worst paper that's ever been written.
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And instead of saying, well, if you only were a better writer, just pause and say, okay,
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well, what did the reviewers say?
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What specific comments did they give?
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Okay, reviewer number one said, I absolutely have no desire to comment on this nasty paper.
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And they said nothing else.
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It's okay.
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Reviewer number one didn't give you much.
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But reviewer number two did.
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Reviewer number two said, okay, this is how you might be able to improve the paper, even
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if it's not suitable for this journal.
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And so reflect, reflect on their comments and say, well, okay, how can I grow?
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How can I grow?
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And do you see, can you feel that different energy of instead of just look at what you
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did?
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It's like, okay, this is what they said.
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How can I grow from this?
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How can I grow?
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And so instead of self-criticism, instead reflect and observe without judgment.
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Okay.
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Another thing that self-criticism does, it increases your stress and anxiety.
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We touched a little bit on this in the last point, but I think it deserves its own platform.
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And so in medicine, oh my goodness, so much stress and anxiety.
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And even as someone who consults and supports other physicians and their care of people
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with hematologic disorders, I realized that a lot of the support I'm doing is managing
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their anxiety and stress.
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There was a lot of stress and anxiety in the clinical space so much, and it doesn't have
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to be yours.
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Now I'm not here to diagnose your stress or anxiety or even tell you how to manage it.
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I'm not your psychiatrist.
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I'm not here to give you medical advice.
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But I do want you to know that when you add to your stress and anxiety by criticizing
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yourself, it does not do you much good.
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Now you may or may not have crippling anxiety.
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You may or may not have crippling stress, but I am pointing out the word crippling for
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a reason.
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I'm saying that anxiety and stress can cripple you.
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If you are doing something that's hard, such as building a research program or building
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a program of scholarship, it's something you've not done before.
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You don't want to be crippled.
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You want to be fully able-bodied.
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You want to be able to be fully functional.
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And so anything that adds to stress and anxiety, such as being critical of yourself, it will
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not help you move forward.
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It will cripple you, and that doesn't help you to build the research program that you're
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building.
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And so instead of criticizing yourself to a point of crippling stress and anxiety, instead
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practice being present.
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Practice mindfulness.
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Yes, pause and think about what's happening inside you.
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Think about that tightness in your chest and think about, okay, why is that there?
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Take deep breaths.
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Relieve the tension that you feel.
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Think about the tightness around your forehead and the headache that it's creating.
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How do you release that tension?
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Pay attention to your body signals.
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Reflect on how you're responding to the situation and let the self-criticism go and release
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the tension in your body as well.
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It is so important that you are fully able emotionally to invest in this space.
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There's so much rejection here.
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There's so much criticism from others.
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There's so much judgment.
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Do not add to it yourself.
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Again, you're the physician.
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You're the healer.
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Others might try to hurt you, but don't.
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Don't be one of those that's hurting you.
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All right, number four is that it creates a negative cycle.
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Criticism begets criticism begets criticism.
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Have you ever been in a room, maybe you're reviewing a grant, and one person stands up
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and says, this is the worst grant I ever read.
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And you, as reviewer number three, you're like, actually, I thought it was pretty good.
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And by the time reviewer number one finishes dismantling the grant and telling you how
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terrible the grant was and how much it sucked, then you're like, oh, yeah, yeah, I guess
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it was.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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I thought there were positive things, but now I don't have anything positive to say.
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And all of a sudden, that person's negative review has totally canceled your positive
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review.
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Well, that's what self-criticism can do, too.
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What it can do is actually just take everything down a notch.
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What it does, it overshadows the things that you actually have succeeded in.
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Okay, so the manuscript was rejected outright, and the reviewers didn't like it.
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But if you go to reviewer number three, reviewer number three said, this is really well-written.
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That is important for you to pay attention to.
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They like your writing, even if they don't necessarily care for the content of your work.
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And so when you are focused on criticizing yourself, or like, I told you that was a bad
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idea.
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You should never have submitted this.
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Why are you even doing any research?
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How dare you think you can submit publications?
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Instead of going down that spiral, pause and take stock of the things that are working.
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Stop and encourage yourself.
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Because hey, if you don't encourage yourself, your mentor might not.
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And it can't depend on your mentor because you probably meet that person just once a
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week, hopefully not more than once a week, maybe more often, I don't know.
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But you meet yourself every day.
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You're literally constantly with yourself all the time.
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And so if there's any positive self-talk, if there's any elevating of the things that
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you have done well, it's going to be up to you.
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And that's something that you should do so that you don't create a negative cycle that
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comes from self-criticism.
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The fifth thing about self-criticism is that it keeps you from taking risks.
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Book science and the pursuit of creating knowledge is about taking risks.
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I don't know if this hypothesis is going to be proven to be true or not.
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If I knew, it wouldn't be science.
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I am taking a step of faith.
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I don't know.
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I think that all the evidence points to this answer, but I could be wrong.
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But if I criticize myself, if you practice self-criticism, then potentially you're not
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going to take the risk to test the hypothesis fully because maybe you're afraid that you're
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going to disprove your hypothesis.
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And then where do you go?
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And you know what?
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Sometimes you are going to disprove the hypothesis, and that's OK because you're after, you're
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pursuing truth to the best of your ability.
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And sometimes what we thought was true turns out to be true in a different way.
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But if you are not confident enough to take risks because now you're afraid to fall because
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you're so critical of yourself, like your body is literally in fight or flight mode
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and already getting ready to protect itself from the onslaught of criticism that you may
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be bringing, then you're not taking risks.
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You're not being creative, and that limits your ability to produce high-quality work.
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And your work is all about the quality that you produce, and it's so important that you
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are able to produce that work.
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And so instead of criticizing yourself, embrace a growth mindset.
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You can grow, you can learn, and whatever it is that you're not doing well right now,
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you can do it well tomorrow because you're going to put in the effort and the energy
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that it takes to grow to the space that you need to.
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You've done it before, you're a person who can grow, you're a person who demonstrates
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continuous growth, you can do this.
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Have a growth mindset.
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The sixth thing I want to talk about is that it harms your relationships.
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Gosh, your self-critical talk may seem to you like you're just making small talk and
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trying to make people laugh, but you know what?
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It actually is a downer.
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People don't really enjoy being around people who are down on themselves all the time.
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And so you may be thinking you're just being funny.
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The other people are not really, it just doesn't feel good.
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It doesn't feel good to be around the person who's down on themselves all the time, the
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person who cannot see the good side of themselves.
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You're always trying to lift them up and they're like, no, no, I suck.
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And you're like, no, you don't suck.
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You're like, oh, no, no.
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And it's just, wow, what a lot of energy going into convince somebody that they have positive
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qualities who wants to only focus on what's negative.
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It's draining.
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It's draining to be around someone who's so self-critical.
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They cannot see how well they do in different spheres.
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And they cannot even see that this thing that they're criticizing themselves about is actually
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an opportunity for growth.
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And so every time that you criticize yourself and you look down on yourself, it harms the
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way you show up.
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It harms your relationships because people tend to not want to be around someone who
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is down on themselves all the time.
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The way you treat yourself poorly in criticizing yourself and the resulting kind of energy
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that comes from that, the, you know, oh, I'm not so great.
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It comes across to other people.
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And so they know you're great.
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But now what they're getting from you is that you're not so great.
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And the more you give them that feedback, the more they're like, well, maybe you're
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not so great.
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And so I would say that self-criticism is not your friend.
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And if you think it's only harming you, I would say, think again, it harms your relationships.
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Because as you withdraw, as you're angry at yourself, it affects your ability to interact
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with others as well.
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So instead, foster healthy communication.
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Find a friend that you can trust and say, this is how I'm feeling about myself.
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Remind me of the ways in which I am, I am, I have, I'm skilled.
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Remind me of how this is helping me grow.
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Like go to ask people to reflect back to you who you are.
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Now you got to find people that you trust, people who actually care about you.
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I hope it's your mentor or your cadre of mentors.
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Maybe it's not.
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Maybe it's your community outside of work.
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Maybe it's your church family.
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Maybe it's your community of friends from med school.
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Find a place where people appreciate value and celebrate you and tell them, hey, this
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is how I'm feeling and have them reflect back to you who you are, the greatness of you and
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where you're going.
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And you know what?
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You can't get enough of that.
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And so every week you should just lean into that.
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And if you have the opportunity to be in a community that meets every week, and this is
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where I say, hey, we're meeting every week, Mondays at 6 PM, you should join our community.
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If you have that opportunity to be in a community of people who reflect back to you the strengths
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that they see, that will be so helpful to you.
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Finally, if you are full of self-criticism, you reduce your overall happiness.
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And I want to say that in this space, there is no room for reduced happiness.
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Again, there's a lot of challenge.
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There's a lot of rejection.
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There's a lot of judgment.
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And there are a lot of things that want to pull on your joy and your happiness.
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And don't add to it, because if every time you're with yourself, you're criticizing
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yourself, you're bringing down your joy quotient, where are you going to get the joy?
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Where are you going to get it?
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And the reason we do this work is because we love the work we do.
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And so we want to create an atmosphere where love grows, the love of the work, the love
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of what we produce, the love of the product that we end up with.
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It's like, oh, I wrote this manuscript.
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It is beautiful.
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And so you want to not bring in poison to that atmosphere by criticizing yourself, which
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diminishes your overall sense of well-being.
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So instead of self-criticism, what do you do?
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Focus on gratitude.
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What are you thankful for?
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What are the things you've done that you're grateful for?
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I was courageous.
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I submitted the manuscript.
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I wasn't even sure that I should put this out there in the world, but I took a step
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of faith and I did it.
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And yes, it came back rejected and reviewer number one totally hated it, but look at what
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I did.
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And I'm not afraid.
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I'm going to put, I'm going to revise it.
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I'm going to put it out there again.
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Practice gratitude for the things you have done, for the courage you have shown, for
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the fact that you keep showing up even when it's hard.
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Practice gratitude for the fact that you get to do what you want to do.
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Practice gratitude.
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All right, so I said seven reasons why you should not criticize yourself.
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Number one, it erodes your self-esteem.
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And instead of criticizing yourself, instead practice radical self-compassion.
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Number two, it hinders your personal growth.
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And so instead of self-criticism, shift your mindset to self-reflection.
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Number three, it increases stress and anxiety.
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And so instead of criticizing yourself, cultivate mindfulness.
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Number four, it creates a negative cycle.
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And so instead of criticizing yourself, develop positive self-talk.
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Number five, it prevents you from taking risks.
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And so instead of criticizing yourself, embrace a growth mindset.
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Number six, it harms relationships.
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So instead of criticizing yourself, foster healthy communication, getting communities
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that support you.
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Number seven, it reduces your overall happiness.
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So instead of criticizing yourself, instead practice gratitude.
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It has been such a pleasure talking with you today.
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I want to thank you so much for listening all the way to the end.
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And this is an episode you need to share with someone who is critical of themselves.
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You got to share this because it's going to help somebody.
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So I invite you to share with just one person today, one person changed somebody's life
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with this podcast episode.
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And I will celebrate the fact that you did.
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Thank you so much for tuning in.
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I look forward to talking with you again the next time on the Clinician Researcher podcast.
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Have a great day.
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Thanks for listening to this episode of the Clinician Researcher podcast, where academic
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clinicians learn the skills to build their own research program, whether or not they
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have a mentor.
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If you found the information in this episode to be helpful, don't keep it all to yourself.
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Someone else needs to hear it.
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So take a minute right now and share it.
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As you share this episode, you become part of our mission to help launch a new generation
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00:26:52,100 --> 00:27:12,140
of clinician researchers who make transformative discoveries that change the way we do healthcare.
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