The player is loading ...
Aug. 23, 2024
Why you should stop all self-criticism
Self-criticism can be damaging and counterproductive. In this episode, Dr. Onwuemene discusses seven reasons to stop criticizing yourself, along with alternative actions to take:
Key points discussed:
1. Erodes Self-Esteem: Constant self-criticism chips away at your self-esteem, making you feel unworthy or inadequate. Instead: Practice self-compassion. Acknowledge your efforts and achievements, no matter how small.
2. Hinders Personal Growth: Excessive self-criticism focuses on flaws rather than opportunities for improvement. It stalls your growth. Instead: Shift your mindset to self-reflection. Identify areas for improvement with a focus on learning and growth.
3. Increases Stress and Anxiety: Self-judgment can lead to heightened stress and anxiety, affecting your mental and physical health. Instead: Cultivate mindfulness. Engage in activities that reduce stress..
4. Creates a Negative Cycle: Self-criticism often leads to a cycle of negativity. You may doubt yourself and your abilities. Instead: Develop a positive self-talk routine.
5. Prevents Taking Risks: Self-criticism can keep you from taking risks and pursuing new opportunities. Instead: Embrace a growth mindset. See challenges as a chance to learn.
6. Harms Relationships: Self-criticism can spill over into your relationships. It can lead you to feel insecure in your interactions. Instead: Foster healthy communication. Share your feelings with a trusted community..
7. Reduces Overall Happiness: Constantly criticizing yourself can diminish your overall sense of happiness and well-being. Instead: Focus on gratitude. Regularly acknowledge and appreciate your accomplishments.
Sponsor/Advertising/Monetization Information:
This episode is sponsored by Coag Coach LLC, a leading provider of coaching resources for clinicians transitioning to become research leaders. Coag Coach LLC is committed to supporting clinicians in their scholarship.
Looking for a coach?
Sign up for a coaching discovery call today: https://www.coagcoach.com/service-page/consultation-call-1
Transcript
1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:05,860
Welcome to the Clinician Researcher podcast, where academic clinicians learn the skills
2
00:00:05,860 --> 00:00:11,260
to build their own research program, whether or not they have a mentor.
3
00:00:11,260 --> 00:00:17,340
As clinicians, we spend a decade or more as trainees learning to take care of patients.
4
00:00:17,340 --> 00:00:22,380
When we finally start our careers, we want to build research programs, but then we find
5
00:00:22,380 --> 00:00:27,780
that our years of clinical training did not adequately prepare us to lead our research
6
00:00:27,780 --> 00:00:29,180
program.
7
00:00:29,180 --> 00:00:35,480
Through no fault of our own, we struggle to find mentors, and when we can't, we quit.
8
00:00:35,480 --> 00:00:40,580
However, clinicians hold the keys to the greatest research breakthroughs.
9
00:00:40,580 --> 00:00:46,200
For this reason, the Clinician Researcher podcast exists to give academic clinicians
10
00:00:46,200 --> 00:00:51,800
the tools to build their own research program, whether or not they have a mentor.
11
00:00:51,800 --> 00:01:01,380
Now introducing your host, Toyosi Onwuemene.
12
00:01:01,380 --> 00:01:03,980
Welcome to the Clinician Researcher podcast.
13
00:01:03,980 --> 00:01:08,260
I'm your host, Toyosi Onwuemene, and it is an absolute pleasure to be talking with you
14
00:01:08,260 --> 00:01:09,260
today.
15
00:01:09,260 --> 00:01:11,340
Thank you so much for tuning in.
16
00:01:11,340 --> 00:01:16,020
I'm excited to bring you today's episode about the need to stop self-criticism.
17
00:01:16,020 --> 00:01:24,100
Yes, I'm talking to clinician researchers, clinicians who are trying to succeed as academics,
18
00:01:24,100 --> 00:01:31,300
succeed in their research program forward, in moving a program of scholarship forward,
19
00:01:31,300 --> 00:01:37,260
and it is so important that you do not allow self-criticism to be part of your strategy
20
00:01:37,260 --> 00:01:39,340
for moving yourself forward.
21
00:01:39,340 --> 00:01:46,620
I will say that I know that self-criticism has been an important, and I will say important,
22
00:01:46,620 --> 00:01:52,500
strategy in terms of succeeding because we're critical before others are critical so that
23
00:01:52,500 --> 00:01:55,580
we figure out where we need to improve.
24
00:01:55,580 --> 00:02:01,700
As part of our training, where we're always managing the subjective evaluations of others,
25
00:02:01,700 --> 00:02:04,660
we come to be able to do that before others judge us.
26
00:02:04,660 --> 00:02:10,040
We judge ourselves first before others judge us so that we know exactly what to say when
27
00:02:10,040 --> 00:02:12,500
it comes to the time for evaluation.
28
00:02:12,500 --> 00:02:18,060
You may remember or may still be having those conversations where you start by saying, well,
29
00:02:18,060 --> 00:02:21,700
the procedure went well, but I could have X, Y, Z, right?
30
00:02:21,700 --> 00:02:25,460
Insert whatever challenge you had in there.
31
00:02:25,460 --> 00:02:30,980
We're so used to doing that that we bring it to our faculty positions, this whole idea
32
00:02:30,980 --> 00:02:33,460
that, okay, I've got to criticize myself.
33
00:02:33,460 --> 00:02:37,740
What that means is that we're so hyper-focused on what we're not doing well, and instead
34
00:02:37,740 --> 00:02:41,180
we're missing the things that we're doing well, and we're also creating an environment
35
00:02:41,180 --> 00:02:43,900
that does not necessarily allow us to thrive.
36
00:02:43,900 --> 00:02:49,600
I'm going to talk today about seven reasons why you should stop criticizing yourself and
37
00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:51,860
other things that you can do instead.
38
00:02:51,860 --> 00:02:57,260
I will tell you that this episode was really generated for me through a conversation that
39
00:02:57,260 --> 00:03:01,260
I had earlier in a community of physicians to which I belong.
40
00:03:01,260 --> 00:03:06,860
This is a community of physicians who are part of a research network, and there was
41
00:03:06,860 --> 00:03:11,500
just a lot of talk about, well, you've got to sit down and look at your gaps and figure
42
00:03:11,500 --> 00:03:13,260
out what your deficits are.
43
00:03:13,260 --> 00:03:18,860
There was this whole focus in that specific conversation just around how much we don't
44
00:03:18,860 --> 00:03:19,860
have.
45
00:03:19,860 --> 00:03:24,500
I remember wanting to just stop the conversation and say, wait, wait, wait.
46
00:03:24,500 --> 00:03:28,520
I don't want us to focus on what we don't have as a way of, well, this is how I have
47
00:03:28,520 --> 00:03:33,980
to shape up, but we focus on what we don't have as a way of thinking, okay, well, this
48
00:03:33,980 --> 00:03:36,980
is an opportunity.
49
00:03:36,980 --> 00:03:40,500
At the end of the day, we may be looking at the same thing, but we're interpreting it
50
00:03:40,500 --> 00:03:41,500
differently.
51
00:03:41,500 --> 00:03:46,540
All right, so I'm going to talk about seven ways that criticism can hurt you and what
52
00:03:46,540 --> 00:03:49,340
you should do instead.
53
00:03:49,340 --> 00:03:53,340
One of the most important things, and you probably know this already, I am preaching
54
00:03:53,340 --> 00:03:58,780
to the choir, is that criticism erodes your self-esteem.
55
00:03:58,780 --> 00:04:02,240
Criticism erodes your self-esteem.
56
00:04:02,240 --> 00:04:07,500
If you are trying to succeed in an area in which you haven't had much training, you don't
57
00:04:07,500 --> 00:04:13,900
have much skill, every time you look at yourself and criticize yourself harshly, you minimize
58
00:04:13,900 --> 00:04:20,960
your capacity to feel confident and go forward in building the skills that you need to build.
59
00:04:20,960 --> 00:04:27,700
So recall that as clinicians who have been through medical school, been through residency,
60
00:04:27,700 --> 00:04:34,220
gone through fellowship maybe, now are early career faculty, and even beyond, there are
61
00:04:34,220 --> 00:04:37,780
some skills that just weren't built into your clinical training program.
62
00:04:37,780 --> 00:04:42,180
So research is one of those skills that's not built into your clinical training program.
63
00:04:42,180 --> 00:04:47,140
And so when you're surrounded by PhD scientists who've done research for pretty much all of
64
00:04:47,140 --> 00:04:53,900
their training and their faculty career, you may feel like, oh, well, I need to shape up.
65
00:04:53,900 --> 00:04:55,500
Look at what I'm missing.
66
00:04:55,500 --> 00:05:01,180
I just want to say it's so important to give ourselves grace to recognize that, hey, you
67
00:05:01,180 --> 00:05:02,700
weren't training this.
68
00:05:02,700 --> 00:05:06,300
You're now starting to do the training that other people have been doing for a long time,
69
00:05:06,300 --> 00:05:09,700
and you're doing it as a mature adult, really.
70
00:05:09,700 --> 00:05:11,700
People are looking at you saying, how come you don't know how to walk?
71
00:05:11,700 --> 00:05:13,300
What do you mean you don't know how to walk?
72
00:05:13,300 --> 00:05:16,300
You're 30 years old.
73
00:05:16,300 --> 00:05:22,340
And in reality, we're just learning to walk, so to speak, when it comes to our research
74
00:05:22,340 --> 00:05:27,020
and comes to building a research program or leading a research program, leading people.
75
00:05:27,020 --> 00:05:34,700
And so if we are going to continue to move forward, then we cannot erode our self-esteem
76
00:05:34,700 --> 00:05:40,500
because when we feel unworthy, when we feel inadequate, we are not able to move forward
77
00:05:40,500 --> 00:05:43,860
with the kind of strength and confidence that we need.
78
00:05:43,860 --> 00:05:50,660
And so instead of criticizing ourselves, one thing that we can do is to practice radical
79
00:05:50,660 --> 00:05:51,660
self-compassion.
80
00:05:51,660 --> 00:05:56,500
Yes, radical self-compassion.
81
00:05:56,500 --> 00:06:01,660
Because hey, if you're not going to have compassion on yourself, who is?
82
00:06:01,660 --> 00:06:06,460
If you're not going to nurse the emotional wounds that you sustain every time you're
83
00:06:06,460 --> 00:06:12,500
rejected, every time you're criticized by others, who's going to do that for you?
84
00:06:12,500 --> 00:06:18,780
And so I would say that the term that comes to mind is physician, you got to heal yourself
85
00:06:18,780 --> 00:06:19,780
first.
86
00:06:19,780 --> 00:06:22,380
You are a healer.
87
00:06:22,380 --> 00:06:23,380
This is what you do.
88
00:06:23,380 --> 00:06:24,380
You heal people.
89
00:06:24,380 --> 00:06:29,140
But your healing means nothing if you, the healer, is broken.
90
00:06:29,140 --> 00:06:34,500
And so radical self-compassion allows you to say, how can I nurture myself?
91
00:06:34,500 --> 00:06:40,140
How can I heal the wounds that I have and not inflict any more on myself?
92
00:06:40,140 --> 00:06:45,940
So the antidote to self-criticism is radical self-compassion.
93
00:06:45,940 --> 00:06:51,180
One of the strategies that has helped me and comes to me from Positive Intelligence, a book
94
00:06:51,180 --> 00:06:57,060
by Shirzad Shamin, is looking at a picture of yourself when you were younger.
95
00:06:57,060 --> 00:07:02,780
So find a picture of yourself when you may be two years old or even up to six to eight
96
00:07:02,780 --> 00:07:07,580
years old, where it really shows the essence of who you are as a child, who you were as
97
00:07:07,580 --> 00:07:08,580
a child.
98
00:07:08,580 --> 00:07:09,580
You still are that person.
99
00:07:09,580 --> 00:07:14,340
But you know, it's probably a picture in which you're smiling, laughing, carefree.
100
00:07:14,340 --> 00:07:15,460
I don't know.
101
00:07:15,460 --> 00:07:19,900
But there's a picture that exists of you as the quintessential child that you are, where
102
00:07:19,900 --> 00:07:23,100
your inner you radiates from that picture.
103
00:07:23,100 --> 00:07:24,100
Find it.
104
00:07:24,100 --> 00:07:26,100
And maybe you're like, well, I didn't have a happy childhood.
105
00:07:26,100 --> 00:07:31,920
And most of my pictures from childhood, you know, I just look sad in them and it's okay.
106
00:07:31,920 --> 00:07:33,440
That's the picture that you need.
107
00:07:33,440 --> 00:07:39,000
So every time you look at that child, you remember that that child is you.
108
00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:41,520
And that child deserves compassion.
109
00:07:41,520 --> 00:07:45,100
And if you tell me, you're like, well, my mother didn't take pictures of me when I was
110
00:07:45,100 --> 00:07:47,780
young because I was kid number six.
111
00:07:47,780 --> 00:07:51,820
I would say, come on, you can be creative.
112
00:07:51,820 --> 00:07:57,660
Find a picture of you in the earliest, the earliest picture you can find, whether that
113
00:07:57,660 --> 00:08:02,060
is you at 15, whether that is you at 12, just find the earliest picture.
114
00:08:02,060 --> 00:08:04,940
Find a picture that shows your essence, where your essence shines through.
115
00:08:04,940 --> 00:08:09,340
It's got to be a picture that's younger than who you are right now and practice radical
116
00:08:09,340 --> 00:08:13,540
self-compassion by showing compassion to that person who is you.
117
00:08:13,540 --> 00:08:14,900
Okay.
118
00:08:14,900 --> 00:08:23,940
The second thing self-criticism does is it hinders your personal growth.
119
00:08:23,940 --> 00:08:26,180
Self-criticism hinders your personal growth.
120
00:08:26,180 --> 00:08:32,100
So I want to take a step back again and remind you that clinical training is not research
121
00:08:32,100 --> 00:08:33,100
training.
122
00:08:33,100 --> 00:08:34,100
I just want to take a step back again.
123
00:08:34,100 --> 00:08:36,060
I know I'm stepping back a lot, right?
124
00:08:36,060 --> 00:08:40,380
And I want to remind you that clinical training is not research training.
125
00:08:40,380 --> 00:08:45,100
If you're going to grow in your research capacity, if you're going to grow in your capacity to
126
00:08:45,100 --> 00:08:49,340
write grants, you're going to grow in your capacity to lead a research program, if you're
127
00:08:49,340 --> 00:08:53,700
going to grow in your capacity to mentor others, if you're going to grow in your capacity to
128
00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:59,060
be fiscally responsible as part of your research program, you've got to grow.
129
00:08:59,060 --> 00:09:01,220
And it's okay because you are used to growing.
130
00:09:01,220 --> 00:09:05,820
You're used to expanding, you're used to being challenged and it's okay.
131
00:09:05,820 --> 00:09:11,920
But if you insert criticism, then you hinder that growth.
132
00:09:11,920 --> 00:09:14,340
You stop yourself from advancing.
133
00:09:14,340 --> 00:09:18,580
Now this is one of the things I hear from people where they're like, oh no, every time
134
00:09:18,580 --> 00:09:23,220
I criticize myself, then I just, you know, I put my nose to the grindstone and I go,
135
00:09:23,220 --> 00:09:24,340
go, go.
136
00:09:24,340 --> 00:09:28,340
And the self-criticism is a thing that helps me really do well.
137
00:09:28,340 --> 00:09:32,780
If I stop criticizing myself, I'm not going to succeed like I was.
138
00:09:32,780 --> 00:09:37,020
And I would just say, let's challenge that assumption.
139
00:09:37,020 --> 00:09:42,620
Let's challenge the assumption that criticizing yourself, which amounts sometimes to yelling
140
00:09:42,620 --> 00:09:47,580
at yourself or noticing everything that's wrong, let's challenge that notion that that's
141
00:09:47,580 --> 00:09:50,660
the best strategy under which you can thrive.
142
00:09:50,660 --> 00:09:57,060
It's like saying by withholding what's needed, then yeah, I'm motivated to go forward.
143
00:09:57,060 --> 00:10:01,500
And I'm not discounting the motivation that can be caused by anxiety and the motivation
144
00:10:01,500 --> 00:10:03,060
that can be caused by fear.
145
00:10:03,060 --> 00:10:10,620
But I need you to understand that motivation driven by fear and anxiety cannot, cannot
146
00:10:10,620 --> 00:10:16,180
accomplish to any great extent what motivation born out of love can accomplish.
147
00:10:16,180 --> 00:10:23,260
Again, fear and anxiety are a way of motivation and sometimes self-criticism makes people
148
00:10:23,260 --> 00:10:26,940
feel like, okay, well, I'm motivating myself through the self-criticism.
149
00:10:26,940 --> 00:10:29,300
And it's working for me.
150
00:10:29,300 --> 00:10:33,300
I'm just letting you know that it works to a certain extent, but it doesn't bring out
151
00:10:33,300 --> 00:10:34,300
the best in you.
152
00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:38,060
And if you think about, if you turn around, if for whatever reason you have a child in
153
00:10:38,060 --> 00:10:43,700
your life and you have the opportunity to observe that child after they've been criticized,
154
00:10:43,700 --> 00:10:50,380
you realize that what you get, even when you get more work, is work that's happening under
155
00:10:50,380 --> 00:10:54,620
a cloud of shame, under a cloud of constriction.
156
00:10:54,620 --> 00:10:56,860
Not much creativity can happen there.
157
00:10:56,860 --> 00:11:02,900
And so even if you've been operating under a strategy of self-criticism and you feel
158
00:11:02,900 --> 00:11:08,540
like you've accomplished so much because you've been so self-critical, I want you to consider
159
00:11:08,540 --> 00:11:12,100
a different strategy and do the experiment.
160
00:11:12,100 --> 00:11:20,060
How does my productivity change when I stop self-criticism?
161
00:11:20,060 --> 00:11:26,420
Then you're like, well, okay, so if it hinders my personal growth, then what do I do instead?
162
00:11:26,420 --> 00:11:30,220
Well, what you should do instead is self-reflection.
163
00:11:30,220 --> 00:11:31,220
Why is that important?
164
00:11:31,220 --> 00:11:35,460
Sometimes self-criticism is a way that we're trying to say, you're bad, therefore you should
165
00:11:35,460 --> 00:11:36,940
improve.
166
00:11:36,940 --> 00:11:43,020
And instead what we need to do is just reflect without judgment.
167
00:11:43,020 --> 00:11:46,380
Okay, well, I submitted that manuscript.
168
00:11:46,380 --> 00:11:49,740
I was so sure it would be an instant acceptance.
169
00:11:49,740 --> 00:11:52,660
And instead I got a radical reject.
170
00:11:52,660 --> 00:11:58,100
Like, totally this is the worst paper that's ever been written.
171
00:11:58,100 --> 00:12:04,020
And instead of saying, well, if you only were a better writer, just pause and say, okay,
172
00:12:04,020 --> 00:12:05,620
well, what did the reviewers say?
173
00:12:05,620 --> 00:12:07,740
What specific comments did they give?
174
00:12:07,740 --> 00:12:15,880
Okay, reviewer number one said, I absolutely have no desire to comment on this nasty paper.
175
00:12:15,880 --> 00:12:17,060
And they said nothing else.
176
00:12:17,060 --> 00:12:18,060
It's okay.
177
00:12:18,060 --> 00:12:19,060
Reviewer number one didn't give you much.
178
00:12:19,060 --> 00:12:21,580
But reviewer number two did.
179
00:12:21,580 --> 00:12:25,180
Reviewer number two said, okay, this is how you might be able to improve the paper, even
180
00:12:25,180 --> 00:12:27,380
if it's not suitable for this journal.
181
00:12:27,380 --> 00:12:33,300
And so reflect, reflect on their comments and say, well, okay, how can I grow?
182
00:12:33,300 --> 00:12:35,220
How can I grow?
183
00:12:35,220 --> 00:12:40,500
And do you see, can you feel that different energy of instead of just look at what you
184
00:12:40,500 --> 00:12:41,500
did?
185
00:12:41,500 --> 00:12:43,300
It's like, okay, this is what they said.
186
00:12:43,300 --> 00:12:44,920
How can I grow from this?
187
00:12:44,920 --> 00:12:46,300
How can I grow?
188
00:12:46,300 --> 00:12:53,460
And so instead of self-criticism, instead reflect and observe without judgment.
189
00:12:53,460 --> 00:12:54,700
Okay.
190
00:12:54,700 --> 00:12:59,340
Another thing that self-criticism does, it increases your stress and anxiety.
191
00:12:59,340 --> 00:13:07,900
We touched a little bit on this in the last point, but I think it deserves its own platform.
192
00:13:07,900 --> 00:13:12,680
And so in medicine, oh my goodness, so much stress and anxiety.
193
00:13:12,680 --> 00:13:17,500
And even as someone who consults and supports other physicians and their care of people
194
00:13:17,500 --> 00:13:22,880
with hematologic disorders, I realized that a lot of the support I'm doing is managing
195
00:13:22,880 --> 00:13:25,460
their anxiety and stress.
196
00:13:25,460 --> 00:13:30,740
There was a lot of stress and anxiety in the clinical space so much, and it doesn't have
197
00:13:30,740 --> 00:13:32,300
to be yours.
198
00:13:32,300 --> 00:13:37,260
Now I'm not here to diagnose your stress or anxiety or even tell you how to manage it.
199
00:13:37,260 --> 00:13:38,760
I'm not your psychiatrist.
200
00:13:38,760 --> 00:13:40,780
I'm not here to give you medical advice.
201
00:13:40,780 --> 00:13:47,420
But I do want you to know that when you add to your stress and anxiety by criticizing
202
00:13:47,420 --> 00:13:50,180
yourself, it does not do you much good.
203
00:13:50,180 --> 00:13:53,180
Now you may or may not have crippling anxiety.
204
00:13:53,180 --> 00:13:59,300
You may or may not have crippling stress, but I am pointing out the word crippling for
205
00:13:59,300 --> 00:14:00,580
a reason.
206
00:14:00,580 --> 00:14:04,420
I'm saying that anxiety and stress can cripple you.
207
00:14:04,420 --> 00:14:08,620
If you are doing something that's hard, such as building a research program or building
208
00:14:08,620 --> 00:14:12,580
a program of scholarship, it's something you've not done before.
209
00:14:12,580 --> 00:14:14,540
You don't want to be crippled.
210
00:14:14,540 --> 00:14:17,580
You want to be fully able-bodied.
211
00:14:17,580 --> 00:14:20,700
You want to be able to be fully functional.
212
00:14:20,700 --> 00:14:27,300
And so anything that adds to stress and anxiety, such as being critical of yourself, it will
213
00:14:27,300 --> 00:14:29,420
not help you move forward.
214
00:14:29,420 --> 00:14:33,940
It will cripple you, and that doesn't help you to build the research program that you're
215
00:14:33,940 --> 00:14:35,220
building.
216
00:14:35,220 --> 00:14:42,980
And so instead of criticizing yourself to a point of crippling stress and anxiety, instead
217
00:14:42,980 --> 00:14:45,340
practice being present.
218
00:14:45,340 --> 00:14:46,700
Practice mindfulness.
219
00:14:46,700 --> 00:14:53,780
Yes, pause and think about what's happening inside you.
220
00:14:53,780 --> 00:14:59,020
Think about that tightness in your chest and think about, okay, why is that there?
221
00:14:59,020 --> 00:15:00,020
Take deep breaths.
222
00:15:00,020 --> 00:15:02,580
Relieve the tension that you feel.
223
00:15:02,580 --> 00:15:07,940
Think about the tightness around your forehead and the headache that it's creating.
224
00:15:07,940 --> 00:15:10,100
How do you release that tension?
225
00:15:10,100 --> 00:15:14,100
Pay attention to your body signals.
226
00:15:14,100 --> 00:15:21,940
Reflect on how you're responding to the situation and let the self-criticism go and release
227
00:15:21,940 --> 00:15:24,020
the tension in your body as well.
228
00:15:24,020 --> 00:15:30,900
It is so important that you are fully able emotionally to invest in this space.
229
00:15:30,900 --> 00:15:32,820
There's so much rejection here.
230
00:15:32,820 --> 00:15:34,380
There's so much criticism from others.
231
00:15:34,380 --> 00:15:36,260
There's so much judgment.
232
00:15:36,260 --> 00:15:38,180
Do not add to it yourself.
233
00:15:38,180 --> 00:15:40,380
Again, you're the physician.
234
00:15:40,380 --> 00:15:41,900
You're the healer.
235
00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:44,540
Others might try to hurt you, but don't.
236
00:15:44,540 --> 00:15:46,700
Don't be one of those that's hurting you.
237
00:15:46,700 --> 00:15:51,540
All right, number four is that it creates a negative cycle.
238
00:15:51,540 --> 00:15:53,240
Criticism begets criticism begets criticism.
239
00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:56,940
Have you ever been in a room, maybe you're reviewing a grant, and one person stands up
240
00:15:56,940 --> 00:15:59,660
and says, this is the worst grant I ever read.
241
00:15:59,660 --> 00:16:06,500
And you, as reviewer number three, you're like, actually, I thought it was pretty good.
242
00:16:06,500 --> 00:16:11,260
And by the time reviewer number one finishes dismantling the grant and telling you how
243
00:16:11,260 --> 00:16:16,740
terrible the grant was and how much it sucked, then you're like, oh, yeah, yeah, I guess
244
00:16:16,740 --> 00:16:17,740
it was.
245
00:16:17,740 --> 00:16:18,820
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
246
00:16:18,820 --> 00:16:22,580
I thought there were positive things, but now I don't have anything positive to say.
247
00:16:22,580 --> 00:16:26,740
And all of a sudden, that person's negative review has totally canceled your positive
248
00:16:26,740 --> 00:16:27,740
review.
249
00:16:27,740 --> 00:16:30,140
Well, that's what self-criticism can do, too.
250
00:16:30,140 --> 00:16:34,020
What it can do is actually just take everything down a notch.
251
00:16:34,020 --> 00:16:37,940
What it does, it overshadows the things that you actually have succeeded in.
252
00:16:37,940 --> 00:16:43,960
Okay, so the manuscript was rejected outright, and the reviewers didn't like it.
253
00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:48,900
But if you go to reviewer number three, reviewer number three said, this is really well-written.
254
00:16:48,900 --> 00:16:51,220
That is important for you to pay attention to.
255
00:16:51,220 --> 00:16:55,880
They like your writing, even if they don't necessarily care for the content of your work.
256
00:16:55,880 --> 00:17:00,540
And so when you are focused on criticizing yourself, or like, I told you that was a bad
257
00:17:00,540 --> 00:17:01,540
idea.
258
00:17:01,540 --> 00:17:02,580
You should never have submitted this.
259
00:17:02,580 --> 00:17:04,620
Why are you even doing any research?
260
00:17:04,620 --> 00:17:06,900
How dare you think you can submit publications?
261
00:17:06,900 --> 00:17:13,580
Instead of going down that spiral, pause and take stock of the things that are working.
262
00:17:13,580 --> 00:17:17,140
Stop and encourage yourself.
263
00:17:17,140 --> 00:17:21,540
Because hey, if you don't encourage yourself, your mentor might not.
264
00:17:21,540 --> 00:17:24,900
And it can't depend on your mentor because you probably meet that person just once a
265
00:17:24,900 --> 00:17:28,580
week, hopefully not more than once a week, maybe more often, I don't know.
266
00:17:28,580 --> 00:17:30,380
But you meet yourself every day.
267
00:17:30,380 --> 00:17:34,020
You're literally constantly with yourself all the time.
268
00:17:34,020 --> 00:17:37,660
And so if there's any positive self-talk, if there's any elevating of the things that
269
00:17:37,660 --> 00:17:40,380
you have done well, it's going to be up to you.
270
00:17:40,380 --> 00:17:43,860
And that's something that you should do so that you don't create a negative cycle that
271
00:17:43,860 --> 00:17:46,500
comes from self-criticism.
272
00:17:46,500 --> 00:17:50,380
The fifth thing about self-criticism is that it keeps you from taking risks.
273
00:17:50,380 --> 00:17:56,260
Book science and the pursuit of creating knowledge is about taking risks.
274
00:17:56,260 --> 00:17:59,740
I don't know if this hypothesis is going to be proven to be true or not.
275
00:17:59,740 --> 00:18:02,780
If I knew, it wouldn't be science.
276
00:18:02,780 --> 00:18:05,100
I am taking a step of faith.
277
00:18:05,100 --> 00:18:06,100
I don't know.
278
00:18:06,100 --> 00:18:12,460
I think that all the evidence points to this answer, but I could be wrong.
279
00:18:12,460 --> 00:18:19,460
But if I criticize myself, if you practice self-criticism, then potentially you're not
280
00:18:19,460 --> 00:18:24,780
going to take the risk to test the hypothesis fully because maybe you're afraid that you're
281
00:18:24,780 --> 00:18:26,780
going to disprove your hypothesis.
282
00:18:26,780 --> 00:18:31,940
And then where do you go?
283
00:18:31,940 --> 00:18:35,100
And you know what?
284
00:18:35,100 --> 00:18:38,620
Sometimes you are going to disprove the hypothesis, and that's OK because you're after, you're
285
00:18:38,620 --> 00:18:41,820
pursuing truth to the best of your ability.
286
00:18:41,820 --> 00:18:46,860
And sometimes what we thought was true turns out to be true in a different way.
287
00:18:46,860 --> 00:18:52,220
But if you are not confident enough to take risks because now you're afraid to fall because
288
00:18:52,220 --> 00:18:59,940
you're so critical of yourself, like your body is literally in fight or flight mode
289
00:18:59,940 --> 00:19:04,100
and already getting ready to protect itself from the onslaught of criticism that you may
290
00:19:04,100 --> 00:19:07,620
be bringing, then you're not taking risks.
291
00:19:07,620 --> 00:19:14,140
You're not being creative, and that limits your ability to produce high-quality work.
292
00:19:14,140 --> 00:19:19,180
And your work is all about the quality that you produce, and it's so important that you
293
00:19:19,180 --> 00:19:21,060
are able to produce that work.
294
00:19:21,060 --> 00:19:26,140
And so instead of criticizing yourself, embrace a growth mindset.
295
00:19:26,140 --> 00:19:30,420
You can grow, you can learn, and whatever it is that you're not doing well right now,
296
00:19:30,420 --> 00:19:34,620
you can do it well tomorrow because you're going to put in the effort and the energy
297
00:19:34,620 --> 00:19:37,980
that it takes to grow to the space that you need to.
298
00:19:37,980 --> 00:19:42,200
You've done it before, you're a person who can grow, you're a person who demonstrates
299
00:19:42,200 --> 00:19:44,900
continuous growth, you can do this.
300
00:19:44,900 --> 00:19:47,140
Have a growth mindset.
301
00:19:47,140 --> 00:19:50,940
The sixth thing I want to talk about is that it harms your relationships.
302
00:19:50,940 --> 00:19:56,260
Gosh, your self-critical talk may seem to you like you're just making small talk and
303
00:19:56,260 --> 00:19:59,060
trying to make people laugh, but you know what?
304
00:19:59,060 --> 00:20:02,240
It actually is a downer.
305
00:20:02,240 --> 00:20:06,820
People don't really enjoy being around people who are down on themselves all the time.
306
00:20:06,820 --> 00:20:11,300
And so you may be thinking you're just being funny.
307
00:20:11,300 --> 00:20:14,420
The other people are not really, it just doesn't feel good.
308
00:20:14,420 --> 00:20:17,460
It doesn't feel good to be around the person who's down on themselves all the time, the
309
00:20:17,460 --> 00:20:21,860
person who cannot see the good side of themselves.
310
00:20:21,860 --> 00:20:24,860
You're always trying to lift them up and they're like, no, no, I suck.
311
00:20:24,860 --> 00:20:25,860
And you're like, no, you don't suck.
312
00:20:25,860 --> 00:20:26,860
You're like, oh, no, no.
313
00:20:26,860 --> 00:20:31,340
And it's just, wow, what a lot of energy going into convince somebody that they have positive
314
00:20:31,340 --> 00:20:34,620
qualities who wants to only focus on what's negative.
315
00:20:34,620 --> 00:20:35,900
It's draining.
316
00:20:35,900 --> 00:20:38,500
It's draining to be around someone who's so self-critical.
317
00:20:38,500 --> 00:20:45,020
They cannot see how well they do in different spheres.
318
00:20:45,020 --> 00:20:49,780
And they cannot even see that this thing that they're criticizing themselves about is actually
319
00:20:49,780 --> 00:20:52,040
an opportunity for growth.
320
00:20:52,040 --> 00:20:56,820
And so every time that you criticize yourself and you look down on yourself, it harms the
321
00:20:56,820 --> 00:20:58,460
way you show up.
322
00:20:58,460 --> 00:21:03,800
It harms your relationships because people tend to not want to be around someone who
323
00:21:03,800 --> 00:21:06,300
is down on themselves all the time.
324
00:21:06,300 --> 00:21:11,700
The way you treat yourself poorly in criticizing yourself and the resulting kind of energy
325
00:21:11,700 --> 00:21:15,880
that comes from that, the, you know, oh, I'm not so great.
326
00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:17,460
It comes across to other people.
327
00:21:17,460 --> 00:21:19,900
And so they know you're great.
328
00:21:19,900 --> 00:21:22,460
But now what they're getting from you is that you're not so great.
329
00:21:22,460 --> 00:21:25,860
And the more you give them that feedback, the more they're like, well, maybe you're
330
00:21:25,860 --> 00:21:27,540
not so great.
331
00:21:27,540 --> 00:21:34,620
And so I would say that self-criticism is not your friend.
332
00:21:34,620 --> 00:21:39,860
And if you think it's only harming you, I would say, think again, it harms your relationships.
333
00:21:39,860 --> 00:21:44,780
Because as you withdraw, as you're angry at yourself, it affects your ability to interact
334
00:21:44,780 --> 00:21:46,660
with others as well.
335
00:21:46,660 --> 00:21:50,420
So instead, foster healthy communication.
336
00:21:50,420 --> 00:21:54,300
Find a friend that you can trust and say, this is how I'm feeling about myself.
337
00:21:54,300 --> 00:22:00,820
Remind me of the ways in which I am, I am, I have, I'm skilled.
338
00:22:00,820 --> 00:22:02,980
Remind me of how this is helping me grow.
339
00:22:02,980 --> 00:22:07,020
Like go to ask people to reflect back to you who you are.
340
00:22:07,020 --> 00:22:10,460
Now you got to find people that you trust, people who actually care about you.
341
00:22:10,460 --> 00:22:15,200
I hope it's your mentor or your cadre of mentors.
342
00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:16,200
Maybe it's not.
343
00:22:16,200 --> 00:22:18,680
Maybe it's your community outside of work.
344
00:22:18,680 --> 00:22:20,740
Maybe it's your church family.
345
00:22:20,740 --> 00:22:25,340
Maybe it's your community of friends from med school.
346
00:22:25,340 --> 00:22:31,660
Find a place where people appreciate value and celebrate you and tell them, hey, this
347
00:22:31,660 --> 00:22:37,420
is how I'm feeling and have them reflect back to you who you are, the greatness of you and
348
00:22:37,420 --> 00:22:38,420
where you're going.
349
00:22:38,420 --> 00:22:40,020
And you know what?
350
00:22:40,020 --> 00:22:41,380
You can't get enough of that.
351
00:22:41,380 --> 00:22:44,900
And so every week you should just lean into that.
352
00:22:44,900 --> 00:22:50,020
And if you have the opportunity to be in a community that meets every week, and this is
353
00:22:50,020 --> 00:22:55,240
where I say, hey, we're meeting every week, Mondays at 6 PM, you should join our community.
354
00:22:55,240 --> 00:22:59,140
If you have that opportunity to be in a community of people who reflect back to you the strengths
355
00:22:59,140 --> 00:23:03,780
that they see, that will be so helpful to you.
356
00:23:03,780 --> 00:23:09,620
Finally, if you are full of self-criticism, you reduce your overall happiness.
357
00:23:09,620 --> 00:23:14,100
And I want to say that in this space, there is no room for reduced happiness.
358
00:23:14,100 --> 00:23:17,420
Again, there's a lot of challenge.
359
00:23:17,420 --> 00:23:19,140
There's a lot of rejection.
360
00:23:19,140 --> 00:23:21,100
There's a lot of judgment.
361
00:23:21,100 --> 00:23:26,220
And there are a lot of things that want to pull on your joy and your happiness.
362
00:23:26,220 --> 00:23:31,740
And don't add to it, because if every time you're with yourself, you're criticizing
363
00:23:31,740 --> 00:23:37,100
yourself, you're bringing down your joy quotient, where are you going to get the joy?
364
00:23:37,100 --> 00:23:38,460
Where are you going to get it?
365
00:23:38,460 --> 00:23:42,060
And the reason we do this work is because we love the work we do.
366
00:23:42,060 --> 00:23:47,620
And so we want to create an atmosphere where love grows, the love of the work, the love
367
00:23:47,620 --> 00:23:51,500
of what we produce, the love of the product that we end up with.
368
00:23:51,500 --> 00:23:53,460
It's like, oh, I wrote this manuscript.
369
00:23:53,460 --> 00:23:57,580
It is beautiful.
370
00:23:57,580 --> 00:24:04,700
And so you want to not bring in poison to that atmosphere by criticizing yourself, which
371
00:24:04,700 --> 00:24:08,080
diminishes your overall sense of well-being.
372
00:24:08,080 --> 00:24:11,460
So instead of self-criticism, what do you do?
373
00:24:11,460 --> 00:24:12,460
Focus on gratitude.
374
00:24:12,460 --> 00:24:13,460
What are you thankful for?
375
00:24:13,460 --> 00:24:16,160
What are the things you've done that you're grateful for?
376
00:24:16,160 --> 00:24:17,160
I was courageous.
377
00:24:17,160 --> 00:24:18,580
I submitted the manuscript.
378
00:24:18,580 --> 00:24:22,240
I wasn't even sure that I should put this out there in the world, but I took a step
379
00:24:22,240 --> 00:24:23,980
of faith and I did it.
380
00:24:23,980 --> 00:24:29,020
And yes, it came back rejected and reviewer number one totally hated it, but look at what
381
00:24:29,020 --> 00:24:30,020
I did.
382
00:24:30,020 --> 00:24:31,020
And I'm not afraid.
383
00:24:31,020 --> 00:24:33,020
I'm going to put, I'm going to revise it.
384
00:24:33,020 --> 00:24:36,380
I'm going to put it out there again.
385
00:24:36,380 --> 00:24:40,780
Practice gratitude for the things you have done, for the courage you have shown, for
386
00:24:40,780 --> 00:24:44,740
the fact that you keep showing up even when it's hard.
387
00:24:44,740 --> 00:24:50,980
Practice gratitude for the fact that you get to do what you want to do.
388
00:24:50,980 --> 00:24:52,340
Practice gratitude.
389
00:24:52,340 --> 00:24:55,820
All right, so I said seven reasons why you should not criticize yourself.
390
00:24:55,820 --> 00:24:57,700
Number one, it erodes your self-esteem.
391
00:24:57,700 --> 00:25:01,420
And instead of criticizing yourself, instead practice radical self-compassion.
392
00:25:01,420 --> 00:25:03,660
Number two, it hinders your personal growth.
393
00:25:03,660 --> 00:25:08,140
And so instead of self-criticism, shift your mindset to self-reflection.
394
00:25:08,140 --> 00:25:10,580
Number three, it increases stress and anxiety.
395
00:25:10,580 --> 00:25:14,780
And so instead of criticizing yourself, cultivate mindfulness.
396
00:25:14,780 --> 00:25:17,500
Number four, it creates a negative cycle.
397
00:25:17,500 --> 00:25:21,460
And so instead of criticizing yourself, develop positive self-talk.
398
00:25:21,460 --> 00:25:24,460
Number five, it prevents you from taking risks.
399
00:25:24,460 --> 00:25:28,420
And so instead of criticizing yourself, embrace a growth mindset.
400
00:25:28,420 --> 00:25:30,400
Number six, it harms relationships.
401
00:25:30,400 --> 00:25:35,300
So instead of criticizing yourself, foster healthy communication, getting communities
402
00:25:35,300 --> 00:25:36,700
that support you.
403
00:25:36,700 --> 00:25:39,500
Number seven, it reduces your overall happiness.
404
00:25:39,500 --> 00:25:42,860
So instead of criticizing yourself, instead practice gratitude.
405
00:25:42,860 --> 00:25:45,580
It has been such a pleasure talking with you today.
406
00:25:45,580 --> 00:25:48,700
I want to thank you so much for listening all the way to the end.
407
00:25:48,700 --> 00:25:53,020
And this is an episode you need to share with someone who is critical of themselves.
408
00:25:53,020 --> 00:25:55,940
You got to share this because it's going to help somebody.
409
00:25:55,940 --> 00:26:00,300
So I invite you to share with just one person today, one person changed somebody's life
410
00:26:00,300 --> 00:26:02,420
with this podcast episode.
411
00:26:02,420 --> 00:26:05,980
And I will celebrate the fact that you did.
412
00:26:05,980 --> 00:26:07,260
Thank you so much for tuning in.
413
00:26:07,260 --> 00:26:11,620
I look forward to talking with you again the next time on the Clinician Researcher podcast.
414
00:26:11,620 --> 00:26:12,620
Have a great day.
415
00:26:12,620 --> 00:26:27,980
Thanks for listening to this episode of the Clinician Researcher podcast, where academic
416
00:26:27,980 --> 00:26:33,380
clinicians learn the skills to build their own research program, whether or not they
417
00:26:33,380 --> 00:26:34,740
have a mentor.
418
00:26:34,740 --> 00:26:40,860
If you found the information in this episode to be helpful, don't keep it all to yourself.
419
00:26:40,860 --> 00:26:42,580
Someone else needs to hear it.
420
00:26:42,580 --> 00:26:46,640
So take a minute right now and share it.
421
00:26:46,640 --> 00:26:52,100
As you share this episode, you become part of our mission to help launch a new generation
422
00:26:52,100 --> 00:27:12,140
of clinician researchers who make transformative discoveries that change the way we do healthcare.
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:05,860
Welcome to the Clinician Researcher podcast, where academic clinicians learn the skills
2
00:00:05,860 --> 00:00:11,260
to build their own research program, whether or not they have a mentor.
3
00:00:11,260 --> 00:00:17,340
As clinicians, we spend a decade or more as trainees learning to take care of patients.
4
00:00:17,340 --> 00:00:22,380
When we finally start our careers, we want to build research programs, but then we find
5
00:00:22,380 --> 00:00:27,780
that our years of clinical training did not adequately prepare us to lead our research
6
00:00:27,780 --> 00:00:29,180
program.
7
00:00:29,180 --> 00:00:35,480
Through no fault of our own, we struggle to find mentors, and when we can't, we quit.
8
00:00:35,480 --> 00:00:40,580
However, clinicians hold the keys to the greatest research breakthroughs.
9
00:00:40,580 --> 00:00:46,200
For this reason, the Clinician Researcher podcast exists to give academic clinicians
10
00:00:46,200 --> 00:00:51,800
the tools to build their own research program, whether or not they have a mentor.
11
00:00:51,800 --> 00:01:01,380
Now introducing your host, Toyosi Onwuemene.
12
00:01:01,380 --> 00:01:03,980
Welcome to the Clinician Researcher podcast.
13
00:01:03,980 --> 00:01:08,260
I'm your host, Toyosi Onwuemene, and it is an absolute pleasure to be talking with you
14
00:01:08,260 --> 00:01:09,260
today.
15
00:01:09,260 --> 00:01:11,340
Thank you so much for tuning in.
16
00:01:11,340 --> 00:01:16,020
I'm excited to bring you today's episode about the need to stop self-criticism.
17
00:01:16,020 --> 00:01:24,100
Yes, I'm talking to clinician researchers, clinicians who are trying to succeed as academics,
18
00:01:24,100 --> 00:01:31,300
succeed in their research program forward, in moving a program of scholarship forward,
19
00:01:31,300 --> 00:01:37,260
and it is so important that you do not allow self-criticism to be part of your strategy
20
00:01:37,260 --> 00:01:39,340
for moving yourself forward.
21
00:01:39,340 --> 00:01:46,620
I will say that I know that self-criticism has been an important, and I will say important,
22
00:01:46,620 --> 00:01:52,500
strategy in terms of succeeding because we're critical before others are critical so that
23
00:01:52,500 --> 00:01:55,580
we figure out where we need to improve.
24
00:01:55,580 --> 00:02:01,700
As part of our training, where we're always managing the subjective evaluations of others,
25
00:02:01,700 --> 00:02:04,660
we come to be able to do that before others judge us.
26
00:02:04,660 --> 00:02:10,040
We judge ourselves first before others judge us so that we know exactly what to say when
27
00:02:10,040 --> 00:02:12,500
it comes to the time for evaluation.
28
00:02:12,500 --> 00:02:18,060
You may remember or may still be having those conversations where you start by saying, well,
29
00:02:18,060 --> 00:02:21,700
the procedure went well, but I could have X, Y, Z, right?
30
00:02:21,700 --> 00:02:25,460
Insert whatever challenge you had in there.
31
00:02:25,460 --> 00:02:30,980
We're so used to doing that that we bring it to our faculty positions, this whole idea
32
00:02:30,980 --> 00:02:33,460
that, okay, I've got to criticize myself.
33
00:02:33,460 --> 00:02:37,740
What that means is that we're so hyper-focused on what we're not doing well, and instead
34
00:02:37,740 --> 00:02:41,180
we're missing the things that we're doing well, and we're also creating an environment
35
00:02:41,180 --> 00:02:43,900
that does not necessarily allow us to thrive.
36
00:02:43,900 --> 00:02:49,600
I'm going to talk today about seven reasons why you should stop criticizing yourself and
37
00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:51,860
other things that you can do instead.
38
00:02:51,860 --> 00:02:57,260
I will tell you that this episode was really generated for me through a conversation that
39
00:02:57,260 --> 00:03:01,260
I had earlier in a community of physicians to which I belong.
40
00:03:01,260 --> 00:03:06,860
This is a community of physicians who are part of a research network, and there was
41
00:03:06,860 --> 00:03:11,500
just a lot of talk about, well, you've got to sit down and look at your gaps and figure
42
00:03:11,500 --> 00:03:13,260
out what your deficits are.
43
00:03:13,260 --> 00:03:18,860
There was this whole focus in that specific conversation just around how much we don't
44
00:03:18,860 --> 00:03:19,860
have.
45
00:03:19,860 --> 00:03:24,500
I remember wanting to just stop the conversation and say, wait, wait, wait.
46
00:03:24,500 --> 00:03:28,520
I don't want us to focus on what we don't have as a way of, well, this is how I have
47
00:03:28,520 --> 00:03:33,980
to shape up, but we focus on what we don't have as a way of thinking, okay, well, this
48
00:03:33,980 --> 00:03:36,980
is an opportunity.
49
00:03:36,980 --> 00:03:40,500
At the end of the day, we may be looking at the same thing, but we're interpreting it
50
00:03:40,500 --> 00:03:41,500
differently.
51
00:03:41,500 --> 00:03:46,540
All right, so I'm going to talk about seven ways that criticism can hurt you and what
52
00:03:46,540 --> 00:03:49,340
you should do instead.
53
00:03:49,340 --> 00:03:53,340
One of the most important things, and you probably know this already, I am preaching
54
00:03:53,340 --> 00:03:58,780
to the choir, is that criticism erodes your self-esteem.
55
00:03:58,780 --> 00:04:02,240
Criticism erodes your self-esteem.
56
00:04:02,240 --> 00:04:07,500
If you are trying to succeed in an area in which you haven't had much training, you don't
57
00:04:07,500 --> 00:04:13,900
have much skill, every time you look at yourself and criticize yourself harshly, you minimize
58
00:04:13,900 --> 00:04:20,960
your capacity to feel confident and go forward in building the skills that you need to build.
59
00:04:20,960 --> 00:04:27,700
So recall that as clinicians who have been through medical school, been through residency,
60
00:04:27,700 --> 00:04:34,220
gone through fellowship maybe, now are early career faculty, and even beyond, there are
61
00:04:34,220 --> 00:04:37,780
some skills that just weren't built into your clinical training program.
62
00:04:37,780 --> 00:04:42,180
So research is one of those skills that's not built into your clinical training program.
63
00:04:42,180 --> 00:04:47,140
And so when you're surrounded by PhD scientists who've done research for pretty much all of
64
00:04:47,140 --> 00:04:53,900
their training and their faculty career, you may feel like, oh, well, I need to shape up.
65
00:04:53,900 --> 00:04:55,500
Look at what I'm missing.
66
00:04:55,500 --> 00:05:01,180
I just want to say it's so important to give ourselves grace to recognize that, hey, you
67
00:05:01,180 --> 00:05:02,700
weren't training this.
68
00:05:02,700 --> 00:05:06,300
You're now starting to do the training that other people have been doing for a long time,
69
00:05:06,300 --> 00:05:09,700
and you're doing it as a mature adult, really.
70
00:05:09,700 --> 00:05:11,700
People are looking at you saying, how come you don't know how to walk?
71
00:05:11,700 --> 00:05:13,300
What do you mean you don't know how to walk?
72
00:05:13,300 --> 00:05:16,300
You're 30 years old.
73
00:05:16,300 --> 00:05:22,340
And in reality, we're just learning to walk, so to speak, when it comes to our research
74
00:05:22,340 --> 00:05:27,020
and comes to building a research program or leading a research program, leading people.
75
00:05:27,020 --> 00:05:34,700
And so if we are going to continue to move forward, then we cannot erode our self-esteem
76
00:05:34,700 --> 00:05:40,500
because when we feel unworthy, when we feel inadequate, we are not able to move forward
77
00:05:40,500 --> 00:05:43,860
with the kind of strength and confidence that we need.
78
00:05:43,860 --> 00:05:50,660
And so instead of criticizing ourselves, one thing that we can do is to practice radical
79
00:05:50,660 --> 00:05:51,660
self-compassion.
80
00:05:51,660 --> 00:05:56,500
Yes, radical self-compassion.
81
00:05:56,500 --> 00:06:01,660
Because hey, if you're not going to have compassion on yourself, who is?
82
00:06:01,660 --> 00:06:06,460
If you're not going to nurse the emotional wounds that you sustain every time you're
83
00:06:06,460 --> 00:06:12,500
rejected, every time you're criticized by others, who's going to do that for you?
84
00:06:12,500 --> 00:06:18,780
And so I would say that the term that comes to mind is physician, you got to heal yourself
85
00:06:18,780 --> 00:06:19,780
first.
86
00:06:19,780 --> 00:06:22,380
You are a healer.
87
00:06:22,380 --> 00:06:23,380
This is what you do.
88
00:06:23,380 --> 00:06:24,380
You heal people.
89
00:06:24,380 --> 00:06:29,140
But your healing means nothing if you, the healer, is broken.
90
00:06:29,140 --> 00:06:34,500
And so radical self-compassion allows you to say, how can I nurture myself?
91
00:06:34,500 --> 00:06:40,140
How can I heal the wounds that I have and not inflict any more on myself?
92
00:06:40,140 --> 00:06:45,940
So the antidote to self-criticism is radical self-compassion.
93
00:06:45,940 --> 00:06:51,180
One of the strategies that has helped me and comes to me from Positive Intelligence, a book
94
00:06:51,180 --> 00:06:57,060
by Shirzad Shamin, is looking at a picture of yourself when you were younger.
95
00:06:57,060 --> 00:07:02,780
So find a picture of yourself when you may be two years old or even up to six to eight
96
00:07:02,780 --> 00:07:07,580
years old, where it really shows the essence of who you are as a child, who you were as
97
00:07:07,580 --> 00:07:08,580
a child.
98
00:07:08,580 --> 00:07:09,580
You still are that person.
99
00:07:09,580 --> 00:07:14,340
But you know, it's probably a picture in which you're smiling, laughing, carefree.
100
00:07:14,340 --> 00:07:15,460
I don't know.
101
00:07:15,460 --> 00:07:19,900
But there's a picture that exists of you as the quintessential child that you are, where
102
00:07:19,900 --> 00:07:23,100
your inner you radiates from that picture.
103
00:07:23,100 --> 00:07:24,100
Find it.
104
00:07:24,100 --> 00:07:26,100
And maybe you're like, well, I didn't have a happy childhood.
105
00:07:26,100 --> 00:07:31,920
And most of my pictures from childhood, you know, I just look sad in them and it's okay.
106
00:07:31,920 --> 00:07:33,440
That's the picture that you need.
107
00:07:33,440 --> 00:07:39,000
So every time you look at that child, you remember that that child is you.
108
00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:41,520
And that child deserves compassion.
109
00:07:41,520 --> 00:07:45,100
And if you tell me, you're like, well, my mother didn't take pictures of me when I was
110
00:07:45,100 --> 00:07:47,780
young because I was kid number six.
111
00:07:47,780 --> 00:07:51,820
I would say, come on, you can be creative.
112
00:07:51,820 --> 00:07:57,660
Find a picture of you in the earliest, the earliest picture you can find, whether that
113
00:07:57,660 --> 00:08:02,060
is you at 15, whether that is you at 12, just find the earliest picture.
114
00:08:02,060 --> 00:08:04,940
Find a picture that shows your essence, where your essence shines through.
115
00:08:04,940 --> 00:08:09,340
It's got to be a picture that's younger than who you are right now and practice radical
116
00:08:09,340 --> 00:08:13,540
self-compassion by showing compassion to that person who is you.
117
00:08:13,540 --> 00:08:14,900
Okay.
118
00:08:14,900 --> 00:08:23,940
The second thing self-criticism does is it hinders your personal growth.
119
00:08:23,940 --> 00:08:26,180
Self-criticism hinders your personal growth.
120
00:08:26,180 --> 00:08:32,100
So I want to take a step back again and remind you that clinical training is not research
121
00:08:32,100 --> 00:08:33,100
training.
122
00:08:33,100 --> 00:08:34,100
I just want to take a step back again.
123
00:08:34,100 --> 00:08:36,060
I know I'm stepping back a lot, right?
124
00:08:36,060 --> 00:08:40,380
And I want to remind you that clinical training is not research training.
125
00:08:40,380 --> 00:08:45,100
If you're going to grow in your research capacity, if you're going to grow in your capacity to
126
00:08:45,100 --> 00:08:49,340
write grants, you're going to grow in your capacity to lead a research program, if you're
127
00:08:49,340 --> 00:08:53,700
going to grow in your capacity to mentor others, if you're going to grow in your capacity to
128
00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:59,060
be fiscally responsible as part of your research program, you've got to grow.
129
00:08:59,060 --> 00:09:01,220
And it's okay because you are used to growing.
130
00:09:01,220 --> 00:09:05,820
You're used to expanding, you're used to being challenged and it's okay.
131
00:09:05,820 --> 00:09:11,920
But if you insert criticism, then you hinder that growth.
132
00:09:11,920 --> 00:09:14,340
You stop yourself from advancing.
133
00:09:14,340 --> 00:09:18,580
Now this is one of the things I hear from people where they're like, oh no, every time
134
00:09:18,580 --> 00:09:23,220
I criticize myself, then I just, you know, I put my nose to the grindstone and I go,
135
00:09:23,220 --> 00:09:24,340
go, go.
136
00:09:24,340 --> 00:09:28,340
And the self-criticism is a thing that helps me really do well.
137
00:09:28,340 --> 00:09:32,780
If I stop criticizing myself, I'm not going to succeed like I was.
138
00:09:32,780 --> 00:09:37,020
And I would just say, let's challenge that assumption.
139
00:09:37,020 --> 00:09:42,620
Let's challenge the assumption that criticizing yourself, which amounts sometimes to yelling
140
00:09:42,620 --> 00:09:47,580
at yourself or noticing everything that's wrong, let's challenge that notion that that's
141
00:09:47,580 --> 00:09:50,660
the best strategy under which you can thrive.
142
00:09:50,660 --> 00:09:57,060
It's like saying by withholding what's needed, then yeah, I'm motivated to go forward.
143
00:09:57,060 --> 00:10:01,500
And I'm not discounting the motivation that can be caused by anxiety and the motivation
144
00:10:01,500 --> 00:10:03,060
that can be caused by fear.
145
00:10:03,060 --> 00:10:10,620
But I need you to understand that motivation driven by fear and anxiety cannot, cannot
146
00:10:10,620 --> 00:10:16,180
accomplish to any great extent what motivation born out of love can accomplish.
147
00:10:16,180 --> 00:10:23,260
Again, fear and anxiety are a way of motivation and sometimes self-criticism makes people
148
00:10:23,260 --> 00:10:26,940
feel like, okay, well, I'm motivating myself through the self-criticism.
149
00:10:26,940 --> 00:10:29,300
And it's working for me.
150
00:10:29,300 --> 00:10:33,300
I'm just letting you know that it works to a certain extent, but it doesn't bring out
151
00:10:33,300 --> 00:10:34,300
the best in you.
152
00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:38,060
And if you think about, if you turn around, if for whatever reason you have a child in
153
00:10:38,060 --> 00:10:43,700
your life and you have the opportunity to observe that child after they've been criticized,
154
00:10:43,700 --> 00:10:50,380
you realize that what you get, even when you get more work, is work that's happening under
155
00:10:50,380 --> 00:10:54,620
a cloud of shame, under a cloud of constriction.
156
00:10:54,620 --> 00:10:56,860
Not much creativity can happen there.
157
00:10:56,860 --> 00:11:02,900
And so even if you've been operating under a strategy of self-criticism and you feel
158
00:11:02,900 --> 00:11:08,540
like you've accomplished so much because you've been so self-critical, I want you to consider
159
00:11:08,540 --> 00:11:12,100
a different strategy and do the experiment.
160
00:11:12,100 --> 00:11:20,060
How does my productivity change when I stop self-criticism?
161
00:11:20,060 --> 00:11:26,420
Then you're like, well, okay, so if it hinders my personal growth, then what do I do instead?
162
00:11:26,420 --> 00:11:30,220
Well, what you should do instead is self-reflection.
163
00:11:30,220 --> 00:11:31,220
Why is that important?
164
00:11:31,220 --> 00:11:35,460
Sometimes self-criticism is a way that we're trying to say, you're bad, therefore you should
165
00:11:35,460 --> 00:11:36,940
improve.
166
00:11:36,940 --> 00:11:43,020
And instead what we need to do is just reflect without judgment.
167
00:11:43,020 --> 00:11:46,380
Okay, well, I submitted that manuscript.
168
00:11:46,380 --> 00:11:49,740
I was so sure it would be an instant acceptance.
169
00:11:49,740 --> 00:11:52,660
And instead I got a radical reject.
170
00:11:52,660 --> 00:11:58,100
Like, totally this is the worst paper that's ever been written.
171
00:11:58,100 --> 00:12:04,020
And instead of saying, well, if you only were a better writer, just pause and say, okay,
172
00:12:04,020 --> 00:12:05,620
well, what did the reviewers say?
173
00:12:05,620 --> 00:12:07,740
What specific comments did they give?
174
00:12:07,740 --> 00:12:15,880
Okay, reviewer number one said, I absolutely have no desire to comment on this nasty paper.
175
00:12:15,880 --> 00:12:17,060
And they said nothing else.
176
00:12:17,060 --> 00:12:18,060
It's okay.
177
00:12:18,060 --> 00:12:19,060
Reviewer number one didn't give you much.
178
00:12:19,060 --> 00:12:21,580
But reviewer number two did.
179
00:12:21,580 --> 00:12:25,180
Reviewer number two said, okay, this is how you might be able to improve the paper, even
180
00:12:25,180 --> 00:12:27,380
if it's not suitable for this journal.
181
00:12:27,380 --> 00:12:33,300
And so reflect, reflect on their comments and say, well, okay, how can I grow?
182
00:12:33,300 --> 00:12:35,220
How can I grow?
183
00:12:35,220 --> 00:12:40,500
And do you see, can you feel that different energy of instead of just look at what you
184
00:12:40,500 --> 00:12:41,500
did?
185
00:12:41,500 --> 00:12:43,300
It's like, okay, this is what they said.
186
00:12:43,300 --> 00:12:44,920
How can I grow from this?
187
00:12:44,920 --> 00:12:46,300
How can I grow?
188
00:12:46,300 --> 00:12:53,460
And so instead of self-criticism, instead reflect and observe without judgment.
189
00:12:53,460 --> 00:12:54,700
Okay.
190
00:12:54,700 --> 00:12:59,340
Another thing that self-criticism does, it increases your stress and anxiety.
191
00:12:59,340 --> 00:13:07,900
We touched a little bit on this in the last point, but I think it deserves its own platform.
192
00:13:07,900 --> 00:13:12,680
And so in medicine, oh my goodness, so much stress and anxiety.
193
00:13:12,680 --> 00:13:17,500
And even as someone who consults and supports other physicians and their care of people
194
00:13:17,500 --> 00:13:22,880
with hematologic disorders, I realized that a lot of the support I'm doing is managing
195
00:13:22,880 --> 00:13:25,460
their anxiety and stress.
196
00:13:25,460 --> 00:13:30,740
There was a lot of stress and anxiety in the clinical space so much, and it doesn't have
197
00:13:30,740 --> 00:13:32,300
to be yours.
198
00:13:32,300 --> 00:13:37,260
Now I'm not here to diagnose your stress or anxiety or even tell you how to manage it.
199
00:13:37,260 --> 00:13:38,760
I'm not your psychiatrist.
200
00:13:38,760 --> 00:13:40,780
I'm not here to give you medical advice.
201
00:13:40,780 --> 00:13:47,420
But I do want you to know that when you add to your stress and anxiety by criticizing
202
00:13:47,420 --> 00:13:50,180
yourself, it does not do you much good.
203
00:13:50,180 --> 00:13:53,180
Now you may or may not have crippling anxiety.
204
00:13:53,180 --> 00:13:59,300
You may or may not have crippling stress, but I am pointing out the word crippling for
205
00:13:59,300 --> 00:14:00,580
a reason.
206
00:14:00,580 --> 00:14:04,420
I'm saying that anxiety and stress can cripple you.
207
00:14:04,420 --> 00:14:08,620
If you are doing something that's hard, such as building a research program or building
208
00:14:08,620 --> 00:14:12,580
a program of scholarship, it's something you've not done before.
209
00:14:12,580 --> 00:14:14,540
You don't want to be crippled.
210
00:14:14,540 --> 00:14:17,580
You want to be fully able-bodied.
211
00:14:17,580 --> 00:14:20,700
You want to be able to be fully functional.
212
00:14:20,700 --> 00:14:27,300
And so anything that adds to stress and anxiety, such as being critical of yourself, it will
213
00:14:27,300 --> 00:14:29,420
not help you move forward.
214
00:14:29,420 --> 00:14:33,940
It will cripple you, and that doesn't help you to build the research program that you're
215
00:14:33,940 --> 00:14:35,220
building.
216
00:14:35,220 --> 00:14:42,980
And so instead of criticizing yourself to a point of crippling stress and anxiety, instead
217
00:14:42,980 --> 00:14:45,340
practice being present.
218
00:14:45,340 --> 00:14:46,700
Practice mindfulness.
219
00:14:46,700 --> 00:14:53,780
Yes, pause and think about what's happening inside you.
220
00:14:53,780 --> 00:14:59,020
Think about that tightness in your chest and think about, okay, why is that there?
221
00:14:59,020 --> 00:15:00,020
Take deep breaths.
222
00:15:00,020 --> 00:15:02,580
Relieve the tension that you feel.
223
00:15:02,580 --> 00:15:07,940
Think about the tightness around your forehead and the headache that it's creating.
224
00:15:07,940 --> 00:15:10,100
How do you release that tension?
225
00:15:10,100 --> 00:15:14,100
Pay attention to your body signals.
226
00:15:14,100 --> 00:15:21,940
Reflect on how you're responding to the situation and let the self-criticism go and release
227
00:15:21,940 --> 00:15:24,020
the tension in your body as well.
228
00:15:24,020 --> 00:15:30,900
It is so important that you are fully able emotionally to invest in this space.
229
00:15:30,900 --> 00:15:32,820
There's so much rejection here.
230
00:15:32,820 --> 00:15:34,380
There's so much criticism from others.
231
00:15:34,380 --> 00:15:36,260
There's so much judgment.
232
00:15:36,260 --> 00:15:38,180
Do not add to it yourself.
233
00:15:38,180 --> 00:15:40,380
Again, you're the physician.
234
00:15:40,380 --> 00:15:41,900
You're the healer.
235
00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:44,540
Others might try to hurt you, but don't.
236
00:15:44,540 --> 00:15:46,700
Don't be one of those that's hurting you.
237
00:15:46,700 --> 00:15:51,540
All right, number four is that it creates a negative cycle.
238
00:15:51,540 --> 00:15:53,240
Criticism begets criticism begets criticism.
239
00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:56,940
Have you ever been in a room, maybe you're reviewing a grant, and one person stands up
240
00:15:56,940 --> 00:15:59,660
and says, this is the worst grant I ever read.
241
00:15:59,660 --> 00:16:06,500
And you, as reviewer number three, you're like, actually, I thought it was pretty good.
242
00:16:06,500 --> 00:16:11,260
And by the time reviewer number one finishes dismantling the grant and telling you how
243
00:16:11,260 --> 00:16:16,740
terrible the grant was and how much it sucked, then you're like, oh, yeah, yeah, I guess
244
00:16:16,740 --> 00:16:17,740
it was.
245
00:16:17,740 --> 00:16:18,820
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
246
00:16:18,820 --> 00:16:22,580
I thought there were positive things, but now I don't have anything positive to say.
247
00:16:22,580 --> 00:16:26,740
And all of a sudden, that person's negative review has totally canceled your positive
248
00:16:26,740 --> 00:16:27,740
review.
249
00:16:27,740 --> 00:16:30,140
Well, that's what self-criticism can do, too.
250
00:16:30,140 --> 00:16:34,020
What it can do is actually just take everything down a notch.
251
00:16:34,020 --> 00:16:37,940
What it does, it overshadows the things that you actually have succeeded in.
252
00:16:37,940 --> 00:16:43,960
Okay, so the manuscript was rejected outright, and the reviewers didn't like it.
253
00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:48,900
But if you go to reviewer number three, reviewer number three said, this is really well-written.
254
00:16:48,900 --> 00:16:51,220
That is important for you to pay attention to.
255
00:16:51,220 --> 00:16:55,880
They like your writing, even if they don't necessarily care for the content of your work.
256
00:16:55,880 --> 00:17:00,540
And so when you are focused on criticizing yourself, or like, I told you that was a bad
257
00:17:00,540 --> 00:17:01,540
idea.
258
00:17:01,540 --> 00:17:02,580
You should never have submitted this.
259
00:17:02,580 --> 00:17:04,620
Why are you even doing any research?
260
00:17:04,620 --> 00:17:06,900
How dare you think you can submit publications?
261
00:17:06,900 --> 00:17:13,580
Instead of going down that spiral, pause and take stock of the things that are working.
262
00:17:13,580 --> 00:17:17,140
Stop and encourage yourself.
263
00:17:17,140 --> 00:17:21,540
Because hey, if you don't encourage yourself, your mentor might not.
264
00:17:21,540 --> 00:17:24,900
And it can't depend on your mentor because you probably meet that person just once a
265
00:17:24,900 --> 00:17:28,580
week, hopefully not more than once a week, maybe more often, I don't know.
266
00:17:28,580 --> 00:17:30,380
But you meet yourself every day.
267
00:17:30,380 --> 00:17:34,020
You're literally constantly with yourself all the time.
268
00:17:34,020 --> 00:17:37,660
And so if there's any positive self-talk, if there's any elevating of the things that
269
00:17:37,660 --> 00:17:40,380
you have done well, it's going to be up to you.
270
00:17:40,380 --> 00:17:43,860
And that's something that you should do so that you don't create a negative cycle that
271
00:17:43,860 --> 00:17:46,500
comes from self-criticism.
272
00:17:46,500 --> 00:17:50,380
The fifth thing about self-criticism is that it keeps you from taking risks.
273
00:17:50,380 --> 00:17:56,260
Book science and the pursuit of creating knowledge is about taking risks.
274
00:17:56,260 --> 00:17:59,740
I don't know if this hypothesis is going to be proven to be true or not.
275
00:17:59,740 --> 00:18:02,780
If I knew, it wouldn't be science.
276
00:18:02,780 --> 00:18:05,100
I am taking a step of faith.
277
00:18:05,100 --> 00:18:06,100
I don't know.
278
00:18:06,100 --> 00:18:12,460
I think that all the evidence points to this answer, but I could be wrong.
279
00:18:12,460 --> 00:18:19,460
But if I criticize myself, if you practice self-criticism, then potentially you're not
280
00:18:19,460 --> 00:18:24,780
going to take the risk to test the hypothesis fully because maybe you're afraid that you're
281
00:18:24,780 --> 00:18:26,780
going to disprove your hypothesis.
282
00:18:26,780 --> 00:18:31,940
And then where do you go?
283
00:18:31,940 --> 00:18:35,100
And you know what?
284
00:18:35,100 --> 00:18:38,620
Sometimes you are going to disprove the hypothesis, and that's OK because you're after, you're
285
00:18:38,620 --> 00:18:41,820
pursuing truth to the best of your ability.
286
00:18:41,820 --> 00:18:46,860
And sometimes what we thought was true turns out to be true in a different way.
287
00:18:46,860 --> 00:18:52,220
But if you are not confident enough to take risks because now you're afraid to fall because
288
00:18:52,220 --> 00:18:59,940
you're so critical of yourself, like your body is literally in fight or flight mode
289
00:18:59,940 --> 00:19:04,100
and already getting ready to protect itself from the onslaught of criticism that you may
290
00:19:04,100 --> 00:19:07,620
be bringing, then you're not taking risks.
291
00:19:07,620 --> 00:19:14,140
You're not being creative, and that limits your ability to produce high-quality work.
292
00:19:14,140 --> 00:19:19,180
And your work is all about the quality that you produce, and it's so important that you
293
00:19:19,180 --> 00:19:21,060
are able to produce that work.
294
00:19:21,060 --> 00:19:26,140
And so instead of criticizing yourself, embrace a growth mindset.
295
00:19:26,140 --> 00:19:30,420
You can grow, you can learn, and whatever it is that you're not doing well right now,
296
00:19:30,420 --> 00:19:34,620
you can do it well tomorrow because you're going to put in the effort and the energy
297
00:19:34,620 --> 00:19:37,980
that it takes to grow to the space that you need to.
298
00:19:37,980 --> 00:19:42,200
You've done it before, you're a person who can grow, you're a person who demonstrates
299
00:19:42,200 --> 00:19:44,900
continuous growth, you can do this.
300
00:19:44,900 --> 00:19:47,140
Have a growth mindset.
301
00:19:47,140 --> 00:19:50,940
The sixth thing I want to talk about is that it harms your relationships.
302
00:19:50,940 --> 00:19:56,260
Gosh, your self-critical talk may seem to you like you're just making small talk and
303
00:19:56,260 --> 00:19:59,060
trying to make people laugh, but you know what?
304
00:19:59,060 --> 00:20:02,240
It actually is a downer.
305
00:20:02,240 --> 00:20:06,820
People don't really enjoy being around people who are down on themselves all the time.
306
00:20:06,820 --> 00:20:11,300
And so you may be thinking you're just being funny.
307
00:20:11,300 --> 00:20:14,420
The other people are not really, it just doesn't feel good.
308
00:20:14,420 --> 00:20:17,460
It doesn't feel good to be around the person who's down on themselves all the time, the
309
00:20:17,460 --> 00:20:21,860
person who cannot see the good side of themselves.
310
00:20:21,860 --> 00:20:24,860
You're always trying to lift them up and they're like, no, no, I suck.
311
00:20:24,860 --> 00:20:25,860
And you're like, no, you don't suck.
312
00:20:25,860 --> 00:20:26,860
You're like, oh, no, no.
313
00:20:26,860 --> 00:20:31,340
And it's just, wow, what a lot of energy going into convince somebody that they have positive
314
00:20:31,340 --> 00:20:34,620
qualities who wants to only focus on what's negative.
315
00:20:34,620 --> 00:20:35,900
It's draining.
316
00:20:35,900 --> 00:20:38,500
It's draining to be around someone who's so self-critical.
317
00:20:38,500 --> 00:20:45,020
They cannot see how well they do in different spheres.
318
00:20:45,020 --> 00:20:49,780
And they cannot even see that this thing that they're criticizing themselves about is actually
319
00:20:49,780 --> 00:20:52,040
an opportunity for growth.
320
00:20:52,040 --> 00:20:56,820
And so every time that you criticize yourself and you look down on yourself, it harms the
321
00:20:56,820 --> 00:20:58,460
way you show up.
322
00:20:58,460 --> 00:21:03,800
It harms your relationships because people tend to not want to be around someone who
323
00:21:03,800 --> 00:21:06,300
is down on themselves all the time.
324
00:21:06,300 --> 00:21:11,700
The way you treat yourself poorly in criticizing yourself and the resulting kind of energy
325
00:21:11,700 --> 00:21:15,880
that comes from that, the, you know, oh, I'm not so great.
326
00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:17,460
It comes across to other people.
327
00:21:17,460 --> 00:21:19,900
And so they know you're great.
328
00:21:19,900 --> 00:21:22,460
But now what they're getting from you is that you're not so great.
329
00:21:22,460 --> 00:21:25,860
And the more you give them that feedback, the more they're like, well, maybe you're
330
00:21:25,860 --> 00:21:27,540
not so great.
331
00:21:27,540 --> 00:21:34,620
And so I would say that self-criticism is not your friend.
332
00:21:34,620 --> 00:21:39,860
And if you think it's only harming you, I would say, think again, it harms your relationships.
333
00:21:39,860 --> 00:21:44,780
Because as you withdraw, as you're angry at yourself, it affects your ability to interact
334
00:21:44,780 --> 00:21:46,660
with others as well.
335
00:21:46,660 --> 00:21:50,420
So instead, foster healthy communication.
336
00:21:50,420 --> 00:21:54,300
Find a friend that you can trust and say, this is how I'm feeling about myself.
337
00:21:54,300 --> 00:22:00,820
Remind me of the ways in which I am, I am, I have, I'm skilled.
338
00:22:00,820 --> 00:22:02,980
Remind me of how this is helping me grow.
339
00:22:02,980 --> 00:22:07,020
Like go to ask people to reflect back to you who you are.
340
00:22:07,020 --> 00:22:10,460
Now you got to find people that you trust, people who actually care about you.
341
00:22:10,460 --> 00:22:15,200
I hope it's your mentor or your cadre of mentors.
342
00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:16,200
Maybe it's not.
343
00:22:16,200 --> 00:22:18,680
Maybe it's your community outside of work.
344
00:22:18,680 --> 00:22:20,740
Maybe it's your church family.
345
00:22:20,740 --> 00:22:25,340
Maybe it's your community of friends from med school.
346
00:22:25,340 --> 00:22:31,660
Find a place where people appreciate value and celebrate you and tell them, hey, this
347
00:22:31,660 --> 00:22:37,420
is how I'm feeling and have them reflect back to you who you are, the greatness of you and
348
00:22:37,420 --> 00:22:38,420
where you're going.
349
00:22:38,420 --> 00:22:40,020
And you know what?
350
00:22:40,020 --> 00:22:41,380
You can't get enough of that.
351
00:22:41,380 --> 00:22:44,900
And so every week you should just lean into that.
352
00:22:44,900 --> 00:22:50,020
And if you have the opportunity to be in a community that meets every week, and this is
353
00:22:50,020 --> 00:22:55,240
where I say, hey, we're meeting every week, Mondays at 6 PM, you should join our community.
354
00:22:55,240 --> 00:22:59,140
If you have that opportunity to be in a community of people who reflect back to you the strengths
355
00:22:59,140 --> 00:23:03,780
that they see, that will be so helpful to you.
356
00:23:03,780 --> 00:23:09,620
Finally, if you are full of self-criticism, you reduce your overall happiness.
357
00:23:09,620 --> 00:23:14,100
And I want to say that in this space, there is no room for reduced happiness.
358
00:23:14,100 --> 00:23:17,420
Again, there's a lot of challenge.
359
00:23:17,420 --> 00:23:19,140
There's a lot of rejection.
360
00:23:19,140 --> 00:23:21,100
There's a lot of judgment.
361
00:23:21,100 --> 00:23:26,220
And there are a lot of things that want to pull on your joy and your happiness.
362
00:23:26,220 --> 00:23:31,740
And don't add to it, because if every time you're with yourself, you're criticizing
363
00:23:31,740 --> 00:23:37,100
yourself, you're bringing down your joy quotient, where are you going to get the joy?
364
00:23:37,100 --> 00:23:38,460
Where are you going to get it?
365
00:23:38,460 --> 00:23:42,060
And the reason we do this work is because we love the work we do.
366
00:23:42,060 --> 00:23:47,620
And so we want to create an atmosphere where love grows, the love of the work, the love
367
00:23:47,620 --> 00:23:51,500
of what we produce, the love of the product that we end up with.
368
00:23:51,500 --> 00:23:53,460
It's like, oh, I wrote this manuscript.
369
00:23:53,460 --> 00:23:57,580
It is beautiful.
370
00:23:57,580 --> 00:24:04,700
And so you want to not bring in poison to that atmosphere by criticizing yourself, which
371
00:24:04,700 --> 00:24:08,080
diminishes your overall sense of well-being.
372
00:24:08,080 --> 00:24:11,460
So instead of self-criticism, what do you do?
373
00:24:11,460 --> 00:24:12,460
Focus on gratitude.
374
00:24:12,460 --> 00:24:13,460
What are you thankful for?
375
00:24:13,460 --> 00:24:16,160
What are the things you've done that you're grateful for?
376
00:24:16,160 --> 00:24:17,160
I was courageous.
377
00:24:17,160 --> 00:24:18,580
I submitted the manuscript.
378
00:24:18,580 --> 00:24:22,240
I wasn't even sure that I should put this out there in the world, but I took a step
379
00:24:22,240 --> 00:24:23,980
of faith and I did it.
380
00:24:23,980 --> 00:24:29,020
And yes, it came back rejected and reviewer number one totally hated it, but look at what
381
00:24:29,020 --> 00:24:30,020
I did.
382
00:24:30,020 --> 00:24:31,020
And I'm not afraid.
383
00:24:31,020 --> 00:24:33,020
I'm going to put, I'm going to revise it.
384
00:24:33,020 --> 00:24:36,380
I'm going to put it out there again.
385
00:24:36,380 --> 00:24:40,780
Practice gratitude for the things you have done, for the courage you have shown, for
386
00:24:40,780 --> 00:24:44,740
the fact that you keep showing up even when it's hard.
387
00:24:44,740 --> 00:24:50,980
Practice gratitude for the fact that you get to do what you want to do.
388
00:24:50,980 --> 00:24:52,340
Practice gratitude.
389
00:24:52,340 --> 00:24:55,820
All right, so I said seven reasons why you should not criticize yourself.
390
00:24:55,820 --> 00:24:57,700
Number one, it erodes your self-esteem.
391
00:24:57,700 --> 00:25:01,420
And instead of criticizing yourself, instead practice radical self-compassion.
392
00:25:01,420 --> 00:25:03,660
Number two, it hinders your personal growth.
393
00:25:03,660 --> 00:25:08,140
And so instead of self-criticism, shift your mindset to self-reflection.
394
00:25:08,140 --> 00:25:10,580
Number three, it increases stress and anxiety.
395
00:25:10,580 --> 00:25:14,780
And so instead of criticizing yourself, cultivate mindfulness.
396
00:25:14,780 --> 00:25:17,500
Number four, it creates a negative cycle.
397
00:25:17,500 --> 00:25:21,460
And so instead of criticizing yourself, develop positive self-talk.
398
00:25:21,460 --> 00:25:24,460
Number five, it prevents you from taking risks.
399
00:25:24,460 --> 00:25:28,420
And so instead of criticizing yourself, embrace a growth mindset.
400
00:25:28,420 --> 00:25:30,400
Number six, it harms relationships.
401
00:25:30,400 --> 00:25:35,300
So instead of criticizing yourself, foster healthy communication, getting communities
402
00:25:35,300 --> 00:25:36,700
that support you.
403
00:25:36,700 --> 00:25:39,500
Number seven, it reduces your overall happiness.
404
00:25:39,500 --> 00:25:42,860
So instead of criticizing yourself, instead practice gratitude.
405
00:25:42,860 --> 00:25:45,580
It has been such a pleasure talking with you today.
406
00:25:45,580 --> 00:25:48,700
I want to thank you so much for listening all the way to the end.
407
00:25:48,700 --> 00:25:53,020
And this is an episode you need to share with someone who is critical of themselves.
408
00:25:53,020 --> 00:25:55,940
You got to share this because it's going to help somebody.
409
00:25:55,940 --> 00:26:00,300
So I invite you to share with just one person today, one person changed somebody's life
410
00:26:00,300 --> 00:26:02,420
with this podcast episode.
411
00:26:02,420 --> 00:26:05,980
And I will celebrate the fact that you did.
412
00:26:05,980 --> 00:26:07,260
Thank you so much for tuning in.
413
00:26:07,260 --> 00:26:11,620
I look forward to talking with you again the next time on the Clinician Researcher podcast.
414
00:26:11,620 --> 00:26:12,620
Have a great day.
415
00:26:12,620 --> 00:26:27,980
Thanks for listening to this episode of the Clinician Researcher podcast, where academic
416
00:26:27,980 --> 00:26:33,380
clinicians learn the skills to build their own research program, whether or not they
417
00:26:33,380 --> 00:26:34,740
have a mentor.
418
00:26:34,740 --> 00:26:40,860
If you found the information in this episode to be helpful, don't keep it all to yourself.
419
00:26:40,860 --> 00:26:42,580
Someone else needs to hear it.
420
00:26:42,580 --> 00:26:46,640
So take a minute right now and share it.
421
00:26:46,640 --> 00:26:52,100
As you share this episode, you become part of our mission to help launch a new generation
422
00:26:52,100 --> 00:27:12,140
of clinician researchers who make transformative discoveries that change the way we do healthcare.
Sign up for our weekly newsletter
Listen On
New to Clinician Researcher?
Feb. 5, 2024
Keys to Your Success - The Importance of Focus
In this episode, we explore the pivotal role of focus. In the journey to becoming a clinician scientist, we discuss the complexities of balancing clinical responsibilities, research, and administrative duties. Key Points Disc...
Jan. 5, 2024
Welcome to 2024!
In this episode, the Clinician Researcher Podcast sets off Season 2 with a focus on supporting clinicians transitioning to researchers while emphasizing authenticity and individuality. Key Points Discussed: Transitioning to a...
Sept. 4, 2023
How to negotiate your salary
Salary negotiations in academic medicine can be challenging. It is especially challenging because no one teaches you how to negotiate well. In this episode, we break down the salary negotiation process. This process highlight...
Aug. 7, 2023
How to negotiate for protected time
In this episode, we explore the art of negotiating protected time. Negotiate time to advance your research and career by doing the following things: Get clarity on what protected time will do for you. Develop a strategic plan...
Aug. 3, 2023
Why do I need protected time?
Podcast Show Notes - Clinician Researcher, Episode 3: Why do I need protected time? Welcome to another enlightening episode of the "Clinician Researcher" podcast. In this episode, we delve into the concept of "Protected Time"...
Aug. 2, 2023
Can I succeed with or without a mentor?
Podcast Show Notes - Clinician Researcher, Episode 2: Can I Succeed with or without a Mentor? Did you know that mentorship plays a crucial role in shaping the success of clinicians and researchers? According to a systematic r...
Aug. 1, 2023
Why Clinicians Should Lead Research
Welcome to the inaugural episode of the "Clinician Researcher" podcast, where we empower clinicians to become successful research leaders. In this inaugural episode, we explore why clinicians should lead research programs. We...